Nice to see you, to see you Nice

I visited Nice in December, I report back from the Col de la Madone, Poggio de San Remo and Mario Balotelli.

I had the choice of many locations, I was going to book Tenerife. Juan Carlos, my Canary Island Colleague, gave me the sell. Two things were changed my mind. There were no HappyCow listings for the touristy south side of the island and Cycling Weekly uploaded an “Ollie Weekly” VLOG. It was about why “Why your next cycling holiday should be Nice” I later discovered that the HappyCow listings for Nice were basically garbage.

I corrected many of the problems that plagued my Los Angeles trip. I ensured that I loaded the OpenStreetMaps onto my Garmin. I got to bring my own bike. I was closer to restaurants and would have better breakfasts. There wouldn’t be outrageous heat either. Quite the opposite, it would be very chilly.

Nice Day One: Stress

After my late arrival, I was up until one AM, pumping my tires up hard with a mini-pump. The morning after my arrival, I had some tasks to complete. First, was to buy CO2 canisters in case of punctures (I didn’t want to risk them by bringing my own on the aeroplane). Secondly, it's was hard to find a shop to buy water (turns out that “Casino” is a supermarket chain). Thirdly, the bananas were both green and black. According to Banana Weekly Magazine, to which I am a contributing author, “Green and Black Bananas are a Dreadful Combo, everything that is wrong in this world, truly the Roger Ver of Bananas.”

I accomplished these tasks on a breakfast of Bread and Jam. I would eat my weight in Baguettes this week.

Upon pressing Start on the Garmin, it was full gas from the outset. Cars were flying around and the streets were narrow. I had a new road rival to contend with, lads on scooters. The Garmin was very hard to read and interpret into directions. But I was not in a rush. After three of the most stressful kilometres, I got out of the city centre.

Today’s climbs were short and easy. I seen five pro riders, two from Astana, then a Bahrain-Merida, a CCC and a Quick-Step rider.

The big statues of I Love Nice and Santa got a bit of attention from tourists. The next climb was again stressful as it was full of hairpins and narrow. There was a surprisingly large number of cars on this road to rural Cote d’Azur.

Getting dinner was hard for someone who doesn’t want to contribute to superbug growth by financially supporting the overuse of antibiotics in Animal Agriculture. All the restaurants are basically Kebab and Pizza takeaways. They don't open until seven PM. I had to search lots of restaurant’s terrible Google listings and their shitty websites, with PDF menus. The one that I settled on was no longer in business.

Being hungry, I had a pizza from a takeaway. I watched some sort of French National FIFA18 Championships on the TV. One table over, putting away a Paella, the four auld lads didn’t understand the growing world of esports. I was so hungry, that I ate Olives for the first time in my life.

One thing I had not improved on my trip to LA, I had not pre-planned the routes, I had only a rough idea of what I wanted to achieve; Madone, San Remo, Mario Balotelli and Cannes. So I spent the evening researching a route out to the Col de la Madone.

Photos du Jour: https://photos.app.goo.gl/lovyaQ3KkccGjkHy2
Strava: Nice Day 1: Alban, Boron and Madeline. Seen 5 Pros.

Nice Day Two: Madone

I had a big breakfast that took ages to eat. With my weather research, I knew not to be mislead by the warm hotel and bright sun. It was going to be bitterly cold. Leg warmers and winter jacket were deployed. The only thing I forgot to pack was a buff for coming down the Madone. Sniffles and slight facial windburn would proceed the bike ride.

As I came out of Nice, much easier than yesterday, I was passed by another cyclist. He was dropping me in the steeper ramps of the coastal climb, but he wasn't able to keep up the tempo on the easier gradients. Looking at my power meter, I could see there was no point chasing this guy on the steeper ramps, as I didn't want to blow up. I was able to sit on him for a good fifteen minutes, until he ran the road work traffic lights.

The next climb was the Mont d'Eze, I met my colour-blind friend at the top putting on his jacket, but I was turning off to continue to climb, up the Col de Turbie. From the Turbie to Menton, the descent was long and I caught a few glimpses of Monaco (Turbie is just on top of the principality). I stopped at a clearing to take a proper picture of Monaco. It was full of high rise apartment buildings. Who knew the 1% were so numerous?

The descent took me all the way into Menton, where I would be starting the famous climb. Lance Armstrong gave the Col de la Madone it's notoriety. Michelle Ferrari would be waiting at the top to take Lactic Acid readings in his camper van. Starting from sea level, I would climb 928 meters in 14km.



After navigating the roundabouts, I was on the climb alone. I heard a hissing sound, did I have a puncture? Panic set in, flashbacks of LA Day Three. No, it was a leaf caught in my brake calliper. The next human I saw was an Astana Pro descending the Madone. He waved and said "Bonjour". I reciprocated the gesture although, I was munching a Banana at the time. The next people I encountered was either 3T themselves, or a cycling magazine, making an advert, or review, for the new 3T Strada bike.

The climb was mostly easy, nothing too steep, I was in the 32t cog tapping out a nice rhythm and switching into the 28t if I seen other people, so they'd think I was cool.

The next rider I seen was a Dutch guy, who flew past me. Just 500m before the top. The road had a sheet of ice on top. I took some photos. Then a rider for Axeon came up. We bonded over Eddie Dunbar and Mario Balotelli. There was a Castelli van at the top too. I had planned to go up to the Aerials, but that road was full of ice. The two lads took off ahead of me. I took my time navigating the ice.

My thighs froze on the descent, but I got a coffee in Eze village to warm myself up before battling the nutjobs on scooters for supremacy on the Nice streets.

My Garmin defacated itself, turned off and lost all the ride data. No Strava KOMs for me. I had a nice Indian for dinner, including a Halwa for desert.

Photos du Jour: https://photos.app.goo.gl/XZbAAM9pwb46aOq42
Strava: Nice Day 2: Col d'Eze, Turbie and Col de la Madone. Garmin file recovered.

Nice Day Three: Je Chasse le Soleil

I couldn't sleep the night before, despite having everything ready to go. I awoke a little late. Ate breakfast and got on the road by 10:45.

I had no stress getting out of Nice this morning. Along the coast to Monaco. I was brought along through underground tunnels. There's was three roundabouts in the underground tunnels. The tunnels were remarkably clean. It's was scary enough. I seen an opportunity to get out of the tunnels and took it. The Garmin plip-plopped itself again, and froze. I looked up and see that the kerbs had red and white paint. I was on the F1 track. I cycled up the hill and got to the hairpin on the circuit. I seen a very skinny Lotto-Soudal rider as I left Monaco.

I reset the Garmin and rejoined the course. But it pooed itself again. My main concern was that I would lose the Strava data again today. I wanted proof that I cycled up the Poggio. The route was straight forward. I deviated to avoid the traffic light series in Menton and took the seafront road. The Italian border was up ahead.

No sooner had I crossed into Italy than I noticed that the roads were filthy. It's like when you cycle along the Liffey and know that you're no longer in Dublin 2. Their tunnels did have dodgy bike lanes though. Italian drivers were passing much closer than their French counterparts. I seen another Quick-Step pro and a bunch of Italian Pro-Contis out training.

Menton Seafront

Vallecrosia and Bordighera were very annoying towns, as there wasn't a way around the traffic light system. They were 4km long town main streets. I seen a man being confronted by the police for parking his scooter in a disabled space. I passed too fast to experience Italians remonstrating with hand gestures.

I got to San Remo, to cycle the Poggio. A very famous end to the One-Day Race, Milano-San Remo. I had trouble finding the secret steps from the bike path to the main street. But I eventually found them. The Poggio was only 4% grade, easy enough, but not for the Pros who would have 290km in the legs. The descent was twisty and fun. There was lots of paintings for John Degenkolb. I wondered to myself, in the melancholy of my solitude, if ze Germans have long lasting paint, of there’s a local man who lost a few fingers that shows solidarity by repainting “DEGE”.

I flipped back to my Garmin's Course Details screen, ETA at Destination was 17:45, "Sacré Bleu, it will be dark, I'll be killed on the roads". I had 65km to do and daylight was burning. I checked my watch, it was MC Hammer O’Clock, AKA Hammer Time. I was halted by the four kilometre long traffic jam in the Italian border towns.

My internal soundtrack was Placebo’s Battle for the Sun. Perhaps, it would’ve been better, had I been humming The Beatles’ Here Comes The Sun.

I inhaled an Americano and a Cheese-less Pizza slice. I waved at an FDJ pro. I got to the border and had to decide what to do when I got back to Monaco. Would I risk the the now uphill tunnels with Supercars passing me, or would I take the 12km Col de Turbie?

I hammered it up the 12km long Turbie and flew down the other side. It was already dusk in Nice, I had lost the battle with the sun. In Nice, I was in no mood to let the scoundrels on scooters bully me for road position, as I needed to make one key turn on the way back to the hotel.

There's a certain buzz that I get after completing an epic challenge. It was probably the second time this year that I had such a rush. The other was the second day of the TKAS Weekend Away, the wet run home. On this epic ride, I could not rely on sitting behind Richard McSherry or Helen Horan. I had extracted every drop of residual glycogen from my biscuit binges.

Aubergine Pizza

I took a very long hot shower to heat back up, as it was very cold outside. Then I hobbled to the big pizza restaurant that I seen on my trip to get water the first morning, La Rossini. I groaned as I sat down, as my knee was flaring up after 130km of hard riding. My undercarriage was raw too. I had to be careful with the pizza, as it had Olives with the pitts still in them.

Upon getting back to the hotel, I plugged in the Garmin to stitch the files back together using FitFileTools. I had strategically saved after climbing and descending the Poggio. I noticed that it had saved the previous day's ride in the file system, but it was not showing up on the Garmin device's Ride History. To quote the Philosopher Borat “Great Success”. So I uploaded all the data, good times.

Photos du Jour: https://photos.app.goo.gl/ztaG8D8ui9EnCWyd2
Strava: Nice Day 3 Monte Carlo San Remo, Racing the Sunset.

Nice Day Four: Cote d’AssSore

My legs were heavy and I had some saddle sores, knee was not 100%. So I took the day off the bike. A pigeon was stalking my Veggie pastry at the coffee shop. He now fears ginger people. My hotel was one block from the city centre's shop street. I went down for a galk. The only thing that separates it from Galway or Grafton St. is the amount of kebab shops.

The main square was getting ready for the Christmas festival. The area was surrounded by lots of crowd control barriers and metal detectors. The terror attack happened here last year. I picked up a scarf from the OGC Nice club shop and watched some murders in boats killing fish. I had a Falafel and Chip kebab. The shopping centre is the exact same as Dundrum, same shops. Nice has a few Luas trams and the Transdev office is here too.

I had an Indian for dinner, the food didn't look like much quantity-wise, but I was tubbed up. It was raining.

I asked the guy at reception about how to get to the Allianz Riviera for the match. He is a season ticket holder and says he cries every time he has to go out there, as it’s so far from the city. The official club shuttle was full up, so I would end up taking the 95 bus, the matchday special.

Photos du Jour: https://photos.app.goo.gl/14Fu9XM9Usz281Cr1

Nice Day Five: Mario

The news was full of stories about Marseille struggling with snow, Nice escaped all of the snow, but the mountains were snowcapped. I cycled to Menton to discover the vegan restaurant, I had planned to eat at, was closed. As was everything else at twelve noon. Apparently brunch is not a thing in France.

The sea was wild, and I was trying to time a picture of my bike with the sea spray in the background. It took three freezing cold minutes.

I seen Fabio Feline, Stefan Kruswijk and four Astana riders in Menton. I tried to take a good picture of the Astana lads, but it came out super blurry.

I next cycled back through Monte Carlo. I got to cycle some of the F1 track, around the hairpin, through the tunnel and into the Swimming Pool and Marina section. I can neither confirm or deny that I made F1 car sounds as I sped through the tunnel.

To escape Monaco, I didn't want to use the tunnels. So I took my time and found the route that the delivery lorries take into and out of the city. On my way back to Nice I seen Caleb Ewan (he’s good at waving) and Roscommon's Daire Feeley, riding for AC Monaco (who didn't wave back). I made my way to Cafe du Cycliste for a quick coffee.

Cafe du Cycliste has an expensive clothing range. It also has routes listed on its website. It has one badass route listed, that I could not try, due to snow at 1000 meters. It's the Col du Braus and Col de Turini combo. Turini is a stage of the Monte Carlo Rally. It's unique as it is an uphill race with many, many hairpins. Europe's answer to Pikes Peak (Colorado Spings).

After cycling, it was Match prep time. There's a website called FootballTripper, that is like a Wikipedia for matchdays. Nice put on a special bus route for getting out to the stadium, number 95. The stadium is really nice. The game ended 3-1, with Mario scoring a free kick. I knew he was going to score, so I was videoing the build up and goal.

He is a very poor player, but he has the "je ne sais quoi". Number 11 was coming on during an injury break, Mario went over to talk to him and ended up spraying him with water. Le Banter!

I got the bus back and debriefed the guy at reception who game me the advice on the stadium.

Videos et Photos du Jour: https://photos.app.goo.gl/NfSzf2FfEaqhBcxy2
Strava: Nice Day 5: Vegan Restaurant Closed, Wild Sea, Lost in Monte Carlo.

Nice Day Six: Crash de la Madone

I headed up the Madone to try to set a good time, I only took four minutes off my photo tour from day two, although I rode eleven watts more. Four minutes over fourteen kilometers, I was kinda hoping for a ten minute improvement, but forty-five seconds saved per kilometre was unrealistic.

I got to the top and got some good karma by allowing a man to throw a snowball at me, he was messing with his family, it was all good. I gave a dog a quarter of my FlapJack. Good karma.

What did I get for doing nice things? Sliding out on melt water that was covering ice. Knee bruised and swelling, elbow cut annoyingly, neck inflamed, helmet needed to be replaced, damaged rear mech and torn clothes. Helmet did its job very well, I only had a headache for a few hours. I blamed it all on seeing Steven Kruijswijk yesterday.

I let the car coming opposite me do past the melt water. Crossed it where it was narrowest. Carbon bikes don't sound nice when they hit the ground, neither do helmets. I went down so fast, that my body didn't have time to compensate by sticking it's hand out, risking my collarbone snapping.

After letting the adrenaline wear off, I could only think of the Action Bronson line “Shit, if I crash it, leave it there as a token, that your boy could’ve died right there, no joking.”

The mech cage was not feeding the chain through the lower jockey wheel. I tiptoed down the rest of the melt water sections. Only twenty kilometres home with a battered knee, most of it was downhill.

When I got back to Eze, two Team Sky lads passed me at the T-junction, then Geraint Thomas turned around and rode towards me. I waved, he didn't. Someone called him a prick... Might've been me.

Freezing descent, crash, scrubbing the wound in the shower and to top it off applying antiseptic. I only groaned a little bit.

Strava: Nice Day 6 Crashed on the Madone. Stupid Melt water being Ice.

Nice Day Seven: Crafty Collins

I started packing, my flight was at nine pm, I selected the late checkout option in the hotel, so I had until five pm to get everything sorted. I went for a walk around town to get some non-airport food into me.

Veggie Koftas

I picked up a litre of Brandy for the boss. "Rest up from the crash... Don't forget the duty-free." Mother's magically know how to use whatsapp, with perfect grammar when they need to.

I met Diarmuid Collins on the same flight, he's a pro at Nice airport Ryanair. Last in the priority boarding, last onto the shuttle bus... First off and he wasn't waiting outside the plane like a chump while idiots played Gridlock with bags.

Photos du Jour: https://photos.app.goo.gl/jiQ2rIC8MfM47xVl1

Nice Day Three Hundred…?

I’d definitely go back. Some trips are better the second time around, where things are not as stressful, due to your accumulated knowledge. In the Cycling Weekly Video about Nice, Ollie says that he has been to Nice six times. I wanted to go to Cannes and to find the mega-croissant that Ollie cautioned against eating. I’d go back earlier in the Autumn, for warmer weather and longer daylight hours. The taxi driver told me, through Google Translate, that September and early-October would be the best time to cycle in Nice.

I feel like I have unfinished business. I’ve played enough JRPGs to know when you’ve defeated the mini-boss. The Madone was the mini-boss. The Café du Cycliste ride for the Braus and Turini is the true final-form boss fight. I’ll have to grind, and level up, on Zwift to accumulate the form needed to crack the top two thousand positions on Strava.

I had plenty of time to, like Robert Frost, regret the roads not taken, as I limped around on a knee that was too scabbed over to bend. I had even more time to dream of conquering Cols and consuming Croissants, as I slept my way through a virus, that the doctor heavily implied would’ve killed a normal man.

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Android Room Database Tutorial with Fragments, RecyclerView, LiveData, ViewModel and Data Binding

Intro

This tutorial will implement an Android App with Room Database, Fragments, RecyclerView, LiveData, ViewModel and Data Binding. Lets stop messing around, we'll get to the code.

Step 0 - The App's Build.Gradle file

We need to add the following to the app/build.gradle file for the app to work. We're using Java 1.8 for the Lambda in the Fragment and Data Binding.

android {
  ...
  compileOptions {
    sourceCompatibility JavaVersion.VERSION_1_8
    targetCompatibility JavaVersion.VERSION_1_8
  }
  dataBinding {
    enabled = true
  }
}

dependencies {
  ...
  implementation "android.arch.lifecycle:extensions:1.0.0"
  implementation "android.arch.persistence.room:runtime:1.0.0"
  annotationProcessor "android.arch.persistence.room:compiler:1.0.0"
  testImplementation "android.arch.persistence.room:testing:1.0.0"
}

Step 1 - Database Entity, the Model

Start with the Data Driven Design, we'll first implement the model.

@Entity
public class BlogPost {

    @PrimaryKey(autoGenerate = true)
    private int id;

    @ColumnInfo(name = "title")
    private String title;

    /**
     * Default Constructor
     *
     * Room Database will use this no-arg constructor by default.
     * The others are annotated with @Ignore,
     * so Room will not give a warning about "Multiple Good Constructors".
     */
    public BlogPost() {
    }

    @Ignore
    public BlogPost(String title) {
        this.title = title;
    }

    // Setters and Getters...
}

Step 2 - DAO - Data Access Object

We'll need to outline an interface class that will allow us to access the Database's content via queries.

@Dao
public interface BlogPostDao {

    @Query("SELECT * FROM blogpost")
    LiveData<List<BlogPost>> getAllBlogPosts();

    @Query("SELECT * FROM blogpost WHERE id = :id LIMIT 1")
    LiveData<List<BlogPost>> findBlogPostById(long id);

    @Query("SELECT * FROM blogpost WHERE title LIKE :title LIMIT 1")
    LiveData<List<BlogPost>> findBlodPostByTitle(String title);

    @Query("SELECT COUNT(*) FROM blogpost")
    int rowCount();

    @Insert
    void insertBlogPosts(BlogPost... blogPosts);

    @Update
    void updateBlogPosts(BlogPost... blogPosts);

    @Delete
    void deleteBlogPosts(BlogPost... blogPosts);
}

Step 3 - Room Database Implementation

To access the generated DAO class, the RoomDatabase needs to be implemented.

@Database(entities = {BlogPost.class}, version = 1, exportSchema = false)
public abstract class BlogPostDatabase extends RoomDatabase {

    private static BlogPostDatabase INSTANCE;

    public static BlogPostDatabase getInstance(Context context) {
        if (INSTANCE == null) {
            INSTANCE = Room.databaseBuilder(
                    context.getApplicationContext(),
                    BlogPostDatabase.class,
                    "BlogPostsDatabase")
                    .build();
        }

        return INSTANCE;
    }

    public static void destroyInstance() {
        INSTANCE = null;
    }

    public abstract BlogPostDao blogPostDao();
}

Step 4 - View Model Implementation

The AndroidViewModel show the LiveData List that the MainActivity and MainFragment will observe.

public class BlogPostsViewModel extends AndroidViewModel {

    private final LiveData<List<BlogPost>> blogPosts;

    public BlogPostsViewModel(@NonNull Application application) {
        super(application);

        blogPosts = BlogPostDatabase
                      .getInstance(getApplication())
                      .blogPostDao(
                      .getAllBlogPosts();
    }

    public LiveData<List<BlogPost>> getBlogPosts() {
        return blogPosts;
    }
}

Step 5 - RecyclerView Adapter

To populate the RecyclerView, we'll need the Adapter.

public class MainActivityFragmentRecyclerViewAdapter extends
         RecyclerView.Adapter
          <MainActivityFragmentRecyclerViewAdapter
                .MainActivityFragmentRecyclerViewHolder> {

    private List<BlogPost> blogPosts;

    public MainActivityFragmentRecyclerViewAdapter(List<BlogPost> blogPosts) {
        this.blogPosts = blogPosts;
    }

    @Override
    public MainActivityFragmentRecyclerViewHolder onCreateViewHolder(
              ViewGroup parent, int viewType) {
        RecyclerItemBinding itemBinding = RecyclerItemBinding.inflate(
                LayoutInflater.from(parent.getContext()), parent, false);

        return new MainActivityFragmentRecyclerViewHolder(itemBinding);
    }

    @Override
    public void onBindViewHolder(
             MainActivityFragmentRecyclerViewHolder holder, int position) {
        String blogPostTitle = blogPosts.get(position).getTitle();
        holder.bind(blogPostTitle);
    }

    @Override
    public int getItemCount() {
        return blogPosts.size();
    }

    public void setBlogPosts(List<BlogPost> blogPosts) {
        this.blogPosts = blogPosts;
        notifyDataSetChanged();
    }

    static class MainActivityFragmentRecyclerViewHolder
               extends RecyclerView.ViewHolder {

        RecyclerItemBinding binding;

        MainActivityFragmentRecyclerViewHolder(RecyclerItemBinding binding) {
            super(binding.getRoot());
            this.binding = binding;
        }

        void bind(String blogPostTitle) {
            binding.blogPostTextView.setText(blogPostTitle);
            binding.executePendingBindings();
        }
    }
}

Step 6 - Observing the ViewModel in the Fragment

We observe the ViewModel and use it to update the RecyclerView's content.

public class MainActivityFragment extends Fragment {

    public MainActivityFragment() {
    }

    @Override
    public View onCreateView(
                            LayoutInflater inflater,
                            ViewGroup container,
                            Bundle savedInstanceState) {

        FragmentMainBinding binding =
              DataBindingUtil.inflate(
                      inflater, R.layout.fragment_main, container, false);

        MainActivityFragmentRecyclerViewAdapter recyclerViewAdapter =
             new MainActivityFragmentRecyclerViewAdapter(new ArrayList<>());

        binding.recyclerView.setLayoutManager(
                        new LinearLayoutManager(getActivity()));

        binding.recyclerView.setAdapter(recyclerViewAdapter);

        BlogPostsViewModel viewModel =
              ViewModelProviders.of(this).get(BlogPostsViewModel.class);

        viewModel.getBlogPosts().observe(
            MainActivityFragment.this, recyclerViewAdapter::setBlogPosts);

        return binding.getRoot();
    }
}

Step 7 - The Other Fragments and Activities

There's not too much craziness in the other Fragments and Activities. We're using DataBinding and there's an Activity-Fragment pair for adding a new Database Entry.

The Activity Package on GitHub: AndroidRoomDatabaseTutorialBasic / activity.

Step 8 - The Layout Files

There's no magic in the layout files. They only have the layout tag for the Data Binding to work. So I'll leave the link to the directory from the Git Hub.

The Layout Directory on GitHub: AndroidRoomDatabaseTutorialBasic / main / res / layout.

Step 9 - Optionally add a Database Intialiser

We can use the following class to populate the database with hard coded data.

public class DatabaseInitializer {

    public static void populateAsync(final BlogPostDatabase database) {
        new PopulateDbAsync(database).execute();
    }

    private static class PopulateDbAsync extends AsyncTask<Void, Void, Void> {

        private final BlogPostDatabase database;

        PopulateDbAsync(BlogPostDatabase database) {
            this.database = database;
        }

        @Override
        protected Void doInBackground(final Void... params) {
            // If the Database is empty, add the initial data.
            if (database.blogPostDao().rowCount() == 0) {
                List<BlogPost> blogPosts = new ArrayList<>();
                blogPosts.add(new BlogPost("Blog Post #1"));
                blogPosts.add(new BlogPost("Blog Post #2"));
                blogPosts.add(new BlogPost("Blog Post #3"));

                database.blogPostDao()
                        .insertBlogPosts(
                            blogPosts.toArray(new BlogPost[blogPosts.size()]));
            }

            return null;
        }
    }
}

Examining The Database

Using DB Browser for SQL Lite, we can attach it to the database file to view the database. The database file can be got in Android Studio's Device File Explorer view.

The database file is in the directory: data/data/com.package/database/

reade more... Résuméabuiyad

Male Pattern Baldness on Mount Baldy

I report back from my April trip to Mount Baldy and how I became a Powerade connoisseur. I also covers topics such as Burrito reviews, Wine drinking tips and Audiobook reviews. Grab a warm beverage, it’s a long one, four thousand, three hundred words long.

Intro

I divided my trip into two parts. Part one was spent doing tourist things with my aunt in San Diego. My itinerary consisted of seeing the USS Midway, Zoo, Sea World and going to Mexico for a day. Basically everything that shows up when you google “Generic Tourist things in San Diego”.

The second part would be cycling in the Greater Los Angeles Area.

Day 0: Ontario

From halfway​ up Interstate 15, we could see the snow capped peaks of the Angeles National Park. I was getting a bit nervous of the height of the peaks. Los Angeles, the city, is a small enough area. Los Angeles, the Greater Area is 100km wide. This meant that any hopes of cycling to the Hollywood sign and seeing a Griffith Observatory show would not happen. I had already done “Generic Tourist city trip”.

I was in Ontario city, which was west of San Bernardino. Before going, my Los Angeles knowledge was limited to what I learned playing Grand Theft Auto, Mount Baldy and Blink 182’s latest album.

Marketing Gimmicks Realised

I checked into my Motel and picked up the bike from InCycle San Dimas. The bike I got was a Specialized Roubaix with Niki Terpstra’s beloved Future Shock. It had Shimano Ultegra Di2 and Hydraulic Discs. A nice 34-32 low gear was standard on these bikes. My size bike had 170mm cranks, so I could fit my Stages Power Meter without worry.

Quick Bike Review: I hated everything except the Shimano Components. The top tube was too short, riser handlebars too thick, wheels were too heavy and the cutout saddle gave me really bad saddle sores. The saddle sores were likely a result of the laid back position. I didn’t notice any vibration damping from the Elastomer in the seat stays, lower seatpost clamp or the God Awful Future Shock. Di2 and Hyrdo Discs were amazing.

I spent the evening dialing in the setup based on my latest bikefit measurements spreadsheet from Aidan Hammond. I used Shane Miller’s handy trick to get my saddle setback correct. I went for a ride around the block. I was totally Fred-ing it up, shorts and a t-shirt. The area was like The Alamo, but with Car Dealerships rather than Mexicans. I was surround by Mustangs, Chargers and Camaros. The roads didn’t have bike lanes, but they had a wide lane near the sidewalk.

I had a 7Eleven around the corner where I picked up some Powerade. I didn’t have any of my favoured Energy Drink, so the calories and minerals in the Powerade were a fine replacement. My dinner consisted of a Carls Jr “Veggie burger”, which was basically lettuce and onions in a bun. I was spoilt by the Veggie offerings by Chillis and Olive Garden, so this was a let down.

Thanks Carl

I plotted the route on Strava and exported the GPX file to my Garmin. I had forgotten to download the maps onto my Garmin. I didn’t have a Micro SDCard adaptor to do it. I opened the Route on the Strava app on my phone. The phone’s GPS signal and Offline Maps would give me a better view of the roads than my Garmin’s pink line on a plain background.

I was under the impression that my Motel was closer to the foot of Mount Baldy. But 11km at 2% would provide a decent warmup. I slept pretty well considering I was 100 meters from a railway track and under the flight path of the Ontario Airport.

Day 1: Mount Baldy

I got up and went to the Motel’s “Continental” Breakfast. Two bowls of Cookie Crisp and a Banana, left me wondering what continent they referenced. I let some people know what route I would be taking. I was on the road by 08:30. The traffic was very quiet for a Thursday, perhaps everyone was already parked on the Freeways.

Wide Roads, No Traffic, Snow Capped Baldy

Today’s ride would be short enough, as it was testing out the conditions and how my pasty skin could handle the sun. I also needed to see how my knee tendons handled the high torque, low cadence of long climbs. Would Luke The Limping Lobster be returning?

I got to the foot of Baldy. I met this other bearded rider. He gave me some good advice regarding looking out for the rocks that littered the mountain roads. Further up the road I encountered another pair of riders, who I wanted to chase.

The first was an old guy. His legs were shaved and his calves were toned. I was reeling him in the whole way up. I would’ve dispatched him quicker, but I was stopping to take photos. He seemed like a pretty cool dude. He said “Not bad for a 74 year old, eh?” So I started telling him about Tom Wynes.

My Homeboy Smokey ain't Playing

The latter rider was channeling Pre-2016 Nationals Nico Roche, but looked like he was injecting Synthol. He had the Black and Blue Protone, Blue Jawbreakers, Team Sky Jersey and the biggest Triceps I had ever seen, in person. I was eating into this guy’s advantage on the steep 11% parts. Just as I overtook him, the heat and exertion became too much for me.

I had to wave bye to him as I rested in the shade of a cliff and sipped my refreshing Lime Powerade. My arms were really hot, I was sweating like crazy from my helmet. What really worried me was the way that my face was getting cold from the blood being pushed to it. I decided to stop chasing this guy. I’m not a doctor, but I know that your face going cold is not a good sign.

After an hour and a half at 70 cadence, I got to the Baldy Village. I wanted to push on towards the Ski Lifts, another three miles (allegedly), but I need a rest and a feed. I went into the rest stop and ordered a plate of Fries and a Coke. It was lovely and dark inside. After the feed, I tried to push on to the Ski-Lifts. I got another bottle of Powerade from the Vending Machine. As soon as I sat back on the bike, I knew I had a saddle sore. Executive Decision Time, I wrapped up to make the descent back to my hotel to get Dinner. After the easiest descent, I was back on the city streets.

Baldy Village

I made the discovery that the traffic lights didn’t sense bikes. This made turning left (they drive on the other side) a pain. Delivery Trucks, such as UPS, only make right turns, to avoid these delays. This information would be used in my next route planning.

I walked 3km up to Chilli’s for dinner. I had the the sidewalk to myself as everyone else was driving. They put on the Ireland v Iceland match replay for me. As I knew I was getting a saddle sore, I had the Chocolate Funnel Cake for dessert as it contained Ice Cream. Dr. Luke prescribes Ice Cream for saddle sores. I got a text from AT&T saying that there would be a Storm with High Winds coming soon. I enjoyed the tailwinds on the walk home.

View the Ride on Strava: Mount Baldy up to the Restaurant - 52km 1,200m.

Day 2: Glendora Ridge Road to Mount Baldy Ski Lifts

In my slumber, Mike Hall was killed by a car. He was racing the IndiPac, an event that I got wrapped up in. #RideForMike was trending on all Social Media platforms. Today’s ride would contain the climbs of the Tour of California’s Queen Stage. How better to honour a legend of solo unsupported rides.

Spagetti Roads

I woke up and I was not sunburnt, Factor 50 for the win! Perhaps, the sun, heat, impending storm or bright colours got to me, I mistakenly purchased the incorrect Powerade on my walk home the previous evening. I went with the Blue one. I fondly remembered the blue Mr. Freeze from my childhood. I didn’t realise it was the Zero Calorie version. I thought that this was America, where calories were mandatory.

Today’s ride would see your Protagonist take on the Glendora Mountain Road up to Mount Baldy Village. I was going to push on to the Ski-Lifts after my chips. The only problem with this route was that my only stop on the way would be the Village, 57km away.

With a vast quantity of Cookie Crisp digesting in my stomach, I battled to mentally suppress the saddle sore. A belly full of water didn’t help matters. I put away so much water, so I would not be dipping into my blue Powerade supplies early. The 20km ride over to Glendora was nice. I seen a street in San Dimas which looked like a Wild West Thoroughfare. I met a Horse rider too. The light winds, the storm’s death kneel, kept me cool.

The start of this Glendora Mountain Road is like a spagetti road. I later discovered, using my SherLuke Holmes Instagram skills, that there is a popular Time Trial on this road. I encountered some guys doing the downhill skateboarding (like the Alpe D’Huez video). They had a car filming them from behind and bringing them back up the road. All the water I consumed, was now water I needed to expel. I was searching for a nice alcove, but every one had people in RVs in them. I found a nice area where I could take a photo with one hand and “dehydrate” with the other.

No Snowplows today.

The sun wasn’t a problem today, as I had the shade of the mountain. The riders I seen on this ride were miles better than me. This was the first time that I had seen a rider dispatch me in such unequivocal terms since Ronan O’Flynn in Sierra Nevada last year, and he started solo, thirty minutes behind us.

These riders were taking a turn off at 37km. I was alone in these unpopulated hills. The next stop was at 57km. 20km solo doesn’t sound hard, but when you’re doing 10km/h it feels strange. My mind started to wander into all kinds of areas. I started to confuse miles and kilometers, I ended up convincing myself that the village was at 47km. I was down to my last half a bar and 200ml of Powerade (nectar of the Gods). I was really missing those sweet, sweet beautiful Powerade 180kcals. This isolation was a little scary, as the the storm had caused some rocks to loosen. There’s something unnerving about cycling along and hearing rocks falling. As Jimmy Carr says “Falling Rocks signs should read Life’s a Lottery, Be Lucky”. The only friends I made were the little lizards that were basking on the warm road.

I eventually seen my first human for almost two hours. A joyful occasion indeed. This encounter coincided with a short descent to Baldy Village. The peaceful restaurant, of yesterday, was now populated with screaming children. I longed for the isolation of the mountains again. After my fries, I refilled my Powerade bidon.

Little Ginger Riding Hood

I set about my next task, journeying to the Ski-Lifts. The signs said “Three Miles”. These signs were wrong, it was 4.3 miles, 7km at 9%. I was under severe pressure. Some children on a trampoline cheered me on. I had to stop lots of times. #RideForMike was at the forefront of my thoughts and aims here. I needed to see the top, to accomplish this goal. My skateboarding friends were recording on the hairpins again.

When I got to the top, after an hour and eight minutes, I was shattered. I was applauded by a woman in a car, who offer me some water. I had Powerade, so I was good. At the top there might have been a few embarrassing yells and maybe a Man Tear or two, escaped my eyes. I wrapped up and descended the whole way back down. I needed to overtake my skateboarding amigos, who had now transitioned to a wobbly tricycle.

Ski Lift View

I made a massive mistake by skipping lunch, as I wasn’t full enough the next day. I had a big Burrito for dinner and a Green Juice. This Burrito was twice the size of a Boojum one. What it had in size, it lacked in available Chipotle sauce bottles.

View the Ride on Strava: Glendora Ridge Road to Mount Baldy Ski Lifts #RideForMike - 101km 2,222m

Day 3: Reservoirs on the 39

Some days you wake up and know it's going to be a day when things go wrong. I was getting adjusted to the plus-eight hour time difference. So I slept later than I wished, I feared being out in the midday sun. The Continental breakfast only had one bowl of Cookie Crisp, I had to switch to Fruit and Fibre. The next thing to go wrong was my sunscreen ran out. I had to go into 7Eleven half greasy.

I got the correct Powerade. But my skipping of lunch the previous day left me not as full as I would've liked. I had a steady 30km of riding to the foot of the climb. My intended road to descend was a little iffy, as it loosely correlated to the closed road sign I seen on on Glendora in the previous day’s ride.

Hydro Energy

It was 30km to the foot of this day’s climb. I passed the Double Tree Hilton, where I should've stayed, and a bunch of Starbucks. I hadn't yet discovered Dublin’s Leeson st. Starbucks outlet. All the Starbucks store I was passing had enclosed patio areas.

I also seen many groups of Rapha clad cyclists heading toward Mount Baldy’s foot. The only other highlight of the ride out was meeting a rider in the Vegan Athletic Apparel jersey. I had ordered my one, but it hadn't arrived. We talked until the lights turned green. He was lean and tanned, so the jersey suites him better than this biscuit binging Ginger. I neglected to tell him that my Vegan moral compass was experiencing a Bermuda Triangle effect, with my Ice Cream two days earlier and visit to the Zoo and Seaworld. He went straight, I went right.

At the foot of the climb, I noticed that my front wheel was losing pressure slowly. I had one untested tube and two CO2 canisters. I had a 70km ride to complete my route. I choose to expend a CO2 resource. Tyre pressure high, and puncture repair paraphernalia low, I resumed my ascent.

I got into a battle with a Triathlete. Big chainrings, do not make for easy climbing. He was passing me every photo opportunity spot. There were a few photos to take. The nebulous “They”, likely the city planners, had created awesome reservoirs and hydroelectric stations. I seen a guy taking photos of wildlife with a camouflage net covering him and the camera. His efforts to maintain incognito were undone by him parking his silver car ten feet away. Two fire engines passed me, with their sirens ablaze. I wasn’t worried about forest fires, as there wasn’t enough wind to spread the fire towards my path. This Fire Forecast Message was brought to you by Smokey the Bear’s deputy, Plume Potter.

Due to my saddle sores reemerging, I was taking stints riding out of the saddle. Not gonna lie here, the Specialized Roubaix’s Future Shock is absolute garbage. It does nothing to dampen the road, and it makes for terrible riding when standing. Most of the roads out there are laid out in pavement slabs, like the Clontarf seafront. I felt all of their joins.

Unfortunately, I discovered all too late, that the side to side torquing of the bike was causing the tyre to deflate. I had to keep riding no matter what. My inner voices were making escape plans.

One of the simple things in life I like to hear, is the sound of running water. There was an awesome bridge over a wide, shallow, clear stream. Acoustic lapping of its contents supplied by the exposed rocks breaching its surface. Tree covered mountains all around and the sun overhead. It took me back to my childhood with the river that used to run through the park in Tuam. I would’ve like to have stopped and taken a picture, but my tyre was deflating and panic was starting to set in.

To maintain overall forward velocity, I was weaving the front wheel all over the place. The last time I was running pressures this low was PuncesCross in December 2015. Which was my finest hour on a bike. I finally decided to give up the ghost. I found a nice gate. I started with the tyre change. I had a problem though. It was in direct sunlight. My tyre levers went the way of Yuri Geller’s spoons. Bent, bowed and broken my tyre levers reflected my spirit. All hope was gone. How do you get home when you don’t have any taxi numbers?

Alone, not a nice place to get a puncture.

“Donal he needs help” came the voice of my saving grace. The girlfriend of a Scottish man, looking like a taller James McAvoy, provided me with his thicker heat resistant tyre levers. As the saying goes, “Celtic Gingers of a feather, flock together”. There was a pebble in the sidewall of the tyre causing the deflation. I use his pump to simultaneously inflate my tyres and spirit. This repair left me with a patch kit and a CO2 shot. They went ahead, as I tidied up. One minute up the road, there was a cyclists cafe. I would’ve been perfectly fine. The bad luck that had stalked my morning had received it’s restraining order from my attorney. Use coupon code “LUKEGJ4” to get a 5% discount on LegalZoom. A wave of relief washed over me.

I pressed on. The road winded around the valley. It reminded my of the middle of the climb to Trevelez on Sinead’s Yoga4Cyclist trip to Sierra Nevada. I could see the cafe and the cyclists below. I could also see the RV camping grounds. After reading Dr. Sleep (Stephen King’s follow on from The Shining), I didn’t want to be anywhere near these sort of folk. Masses of Rapha clad cyclists were endlessly spawning around every bend. I passed my two tyre lever suppliers.

“SherLuke Holmes investigates the Mystery of the Rapha Brigade” became my next side quest. It was a short-lived quest. I got to the top of the hill. It joined onto the Glendora Ridge road that left mental scars yesterday. There was a man at a water stop. The reason for the excessive Rapha clad crew was that there was a Sportive of sorts. The sportive was in aid of Smile Train. It is a charity for children with Cleft Palates, to enable those without financial resources to seek aid to correct the condition. I had to make conversation whilst I refilled my bottles.

I decided to press on to follow my route. My earlier suspicions were correct, the road I wanted to descend was closed. I rode the 5km back the water stand and continued down the Spagetti road that I ascended the previous day. There were three Police cars that came screaming towards me. I conversed with a fellow rider. He didn’t know the reason, I shared my knowledge of the earlier Fire Brigades.

It was an awesome descent. The discs were great. I could only feel the force of the front brake. I was aware of Brake Fade, which can plague the smaller 140mm rotors. I rode along the top of the city, mountains to my left, strip malls to my right. My mental state was elation, tinged with fatigue.

Coffee

I seized my opportunity to sip down a Starbucks. I chained my Roubaix to the patio. I ordered an iced coffee, the second of my recently completed twenty-eight revolutions of the Sun. I sent a picture to my buddy, Andrew, with the drink’s title. Andrew likes Starbucks, but he is old school Italian, believing that Coffee drinks should only have a maximum of two words in their title, and one of those words should be the size of the beverage. He told me to “go away with my Iced Cinnamon Almond Milk Mocha Chocalata ya ya“.

My coffee was interspersed by another customer, ironically or unironically, mocking off Mac from “It’s Alway Sunny in Philadelphia” by walking and performing Karate. LA is famous for its mentally ill population. I had also been greeted by a person in a Statue of Liberty costume. My other interactions with the less savory individuals was limited to two flashers. They left me cursing the ease of removal of sweat pants and my massively wild field of peripheral vision.

Caffeine aided and Karate inspired, I CycloCrossed back onto the bike. At the next few sets of traffic lights, I was petting a dog in a car window. The efforts to keep pace with my new furry friend took their toll. The coffee was not sitting too well in my tummy. I had another burrito and a nap. I finished my day with a Pizza from the Spanish restaurant down the road.

View the Ride on Strava: Reservoirs on the 39. Thanks to the Smile Train Sportive for the water - 106km, 1,500m.

Day 4 & 5: Wrap up

Day four seen me exploit California State’s Sales Tax of 9%. It was much better than Ireland’s 21% VAT. I got an iPad for €100 less in Best Buy. I loaded it up with Fargo season two for the long journey home. I dropped the bike back to InCycle’s Chino store. As I walked back, I encountered a dodgy traffic bridge, similar to Newlands Cross. I had to shimmy along it. I also seen a Spaghetti Restaurant that I would visit for dinner. I wanted to visit Dunkin Doughnuts, but the day’s walking had shredded my feet, and I needed to get out of the sun. I made a mental note to remove “Outdoor Ballerina” from my CV.

On my walk to Vince’s Spaghetti for my Last Supper, I seen a worse motel than mine and noticed an unopened Strip Club. I presumed that the club would open a little later on this Sunday night. The Restaurant was dank, a spaghetti sports bar of sorts. I ordered the large Spaghetti and decided to class it up a bit by ordering a glass of Pinot Grigio. Pinot is the most drinkable of wines, yellow Gold, and it’s not as Basic as Rosé. The classiness was short lived, as my Pinot was served in a generic glass and not a stem glass.

Wine glass

I got seven dollars change from paying my bill. Seven dollars in singles. There are only two uses for dollar bills in America. One is dog fight betting. As an animal lover, this was not an option. The other use for single dollar bills… The dinner took quite a long time, I was not in a hurry eating. Perhaps the Strip Club was now open.

It wasn’t. The seven Federal Reserve notes, weighed me down as I trudged home. This slowness enabled me to finish my Audiobook. I was listening to Dune Messiah, the second novel. I had the third novel already bought. The Dune series doesn’t hold up well to time. It, like the Sherlock Holmes stories, are so well referenced and expanded on in contemporary works, to the point that they seem lacking. So I just couldn’t face another one. I whipped out the laptop and returned the unlistened to third book.

My prebooked Taxi arrived on my final morning. The booking company provided by the motel was just an intermediary for Lyft. The money that AT&T made from the constant phone calls and texts, that the intermediary company made, was crazy. Note to self, use Lyft or Uber directly instead.

I had to leave the motel at 11. My flight was at 8pm. This meant spending lots of time in the airport. The LAX terminal that Aer Lingus used had no food before security. I prepared for this, like my Audiobook hero, Jack Reacher brain trained me to… by going to 7Eleven and getting lots of spiced peanuts. They weren’t opening check-in until 17:30. I made fast friends with an elderly Mexican man. We didn’t exchange many words, but bonds forged in the crucible of airport travel are oftentimes the strongest. He offered me some of his peanut butter, I declined. I offered him some peanuts, he declined. He watched over me as I slept, it wasn’t weird. I bid my amigo fairwell as I walked to my check-in desk.

Greenland

I made two TSA officer’s day, by allowing them to do science. They were very excited to see how the Twinkies would show up on the baggage scanner. I even went over to have a look. It was a slow Monday. Once past security, I enjoyed an awesome Veggie burger. On the plane, I got to see the highlight of my journey, Greenland. The snow seers your retinas, but the awesome mountainous landscape is worth the purple dots on your vision.

I got home and took six months to publish this report.

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