The A-Race Ramp Section | Fixx SuperCross Cup 2016 Rd. 4 Greystones

The first two passings of the ramp section in the A-Race.

I don't know why the Red Tints are occurring on the screen, I have run the files through Smart Converter, fuck iMovie. I have more clips of the lap's first ramp, but they're badly effected by the Red Tint (even after Smart Converter).

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Lost In Monivea Woods Vlog | Cross Comeback #2

The second instalment in the Cross Comeback Series sees your protagonist lost in Monivea Woods.

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Navan RC Planet X Series 2016 Round 1: Blackwater Park

90 riders on the B Race grid. Courtesy of Navan Camera Club

In a week where some experienced Yogi Bear and Park Ranger Smith adventures, and Mayo went back to being the Shadowy Place that Mufasa told Simba never to go,  I went for a spin in the mountains and had medium salsa on my burrito with the aim of dropping some weight.

The course covered an area of wasteland between the river and a football pitch, with some tree-rooty single track sections. They had used a JCB to create the obstacles; a Bomb Hole, a high step up and some large mounds. The ground was really firm, even the previous two days of rain could not soften it. This meant that the parcours was bumpier than my face after a Pizza, Pesto and Pringles binge. I reckon that for the next two runnings of Navan’s CX series, it will be softer.

I arrived, signed on and prepared for some practise laps. I would’ve completely missed the first barrier only for Michael standing there. The barrier was grey and the path behind it was also grey. I only got two practice laps in. The reason for this was the time consuming process of me trying to build up the courage to ride the drop off. After my crash and subsequent concussion, I cannot mentally bring myself to take a risk again. I’m not a Johny Sexton wannabe. Philly demanded that I try to ride it. Paul Kane zipped by me, shouting “No Brakes Luke”, and bunny-hopped down it. Ralph Waldo Emerson’s quote “Do the thing and you will have the power” was not the first thing that came to my mind as I watched the ground disappear. This would be a similar situation to Tymon Park last year. I would jump down the drop each lap.

Barry putting his MTB skills to use. Courtesy of Paul and Sinéad

I went back to the car to discover that I had 20 mins before the start. It took me 10 mins to get ready. I was on the third row of a wide grid, there was 90 riders starting the combined B race. Women, Children and Men of the caliber of Billy Zane would be making a Titanic dash the length of the football field.

We held a minute’s silence for Richie Byrne. It took some auld lads 15 seconds to realise that this was quite time.

The whistle blew, pedals engaged, breaths were drawn, tyres bit. 90 riders sprinted to the first 90 degree corner. I was going backwards. A fitting football analogy for this would be, Colin Hendry and Gazza in Euro 96. Everyone was held up by a guy unable to ride the first ramp. After a quick dismount, long run and a remount, I was behind a rider from Cuchullain CC. I thought to myself, “this guy has the Bike Station League to practice so he should be confident”. I presumed wrong. He didn’t ride the clay mound, couldn’t remount a top it. I was right up his chuff, I was boxed in. Same thing happened on the sandy mound. He was slightly faster than me on the flat. So he cleared the boards and was onto the single track in front of me. Luckily he completely messed up the log in the forest, softly crashed, dropped his chain. I dropped the hammer and caught up to my next quarry. It was a young lady from Bray. She had similar remounting speed on the next boards and step up.

The drop off... it looked way scarier on the day. Courtesy of Paul and Sinéad 

As I approached the drop off, I dismounted and ran down the drop. I heard another rider shouting at me to get off her line. I had enough of a gap to not interfere with her. She got a gap on me with her speed from riding the drop. I passed both her and the Bray rider on the first part of the football pitch. I apologised for almost cutting her off, she accepted, we got on with our races. It’s always a good idea to apologise when you’re in the wrong, least Johnny Lawrence try to seek retribution in the carpark and you need to wax cars and paint fences for your neighbour Mr. Miyagi.

I had a minor tussle with Breda. By “minor tussle”, I mean she passed me and remained in my field of view for 45 seconds. Elsewhere Barry Keogh and Dave had a tussle. By “tussle”, I mean Barry was playing footsie with Dave’s wheel. They did this until they emulated WVA and MVDP at the 2016 Worlds and Dave withdrew.

The rest of the race followed the pattern of last week. The faster riders, who got bad starts passing me. Other riders who passed me included the even faster guys who got great starts… although they were lapping me. Unlike last week, at no point did I want to give up. Although my back was again not coping well with the firm ground.

I could hear the commentary about the charge the Ryan twins were on. I knew they were coming up to lap me. I kept one eye behind, as to not impede Kanturk’s next crop. Knowing that the path ahead was only wide enough for one rider, I pulled over and stopped before it. This allowed the youngsters to pass. I also afforded the same passage to the pursuing Woggles.

There was a guy in a Rabbit costume handing out glasses of beer. I abstained until I started getting lapped. At this point, on the second last lap, I stopped to have a beer. It really took the edge off the tough day. Karl from Tiernan's stopped off too. The beer gave him super-powers. Me less so. It was not sitting well inside my abdomen. The next time I passed my Rabbit costumed enabler, I refused his kind offer.

Mike attended the AA-GM on Monday. Courtesy of Navan Camera Club

Mike had a great race. He was on the grid, only to realise that he left something in the car. He left and came back to the grid. He started from the back and made his way up 16th place, 3 seconds behind 15th. I was expressly courteous to Mike when he came up to lap me on the Singletrack. One might even say… I went out of my way to help him.

Had the race been a lap longer, Paul Kane would’ve also lapped me. Michelle started on the front row and had a strong performance, finishing second in the Women’s category. Barry, after eliminating Dave, kept pushing and finished just behind Michelle. Breda continued her strong work from the previous race again finishing third. I would finish in the dream position of 69. No CycloCross race results would be complete without at least one person’s name being wrong. This week the honor went to Dave.

Michelle making it look easy. Courtesy of Navan Camera Club

After the race, I freshened up via tried and trusted method, towel and deodorant. I got chatting to the guy from the Giant team beside me. I was all packed up and ready to watch the start of the A race when Ronan rushes up looking for a Multi-Tool. I choose that moment to do my one good deed of the week.

I looked sad as I waited in the queue for the €2 coffee and bun. Dave told me to cheer up. Dave did not understand the gravity of the situation. There was a lot of people in front of me, and what looked to be only one tray of buns. I got the second last bun, it tasted really nice. The coffee was great quality too. It rivaled the Fixx coffee and wiped the floor with the guy, pushing Instant Kenco, at the Leinster Champs.

Unfortunately Orwell’s wheel problems didn’t end with Dave. Ronan rolled a Tubular and was too far away from his spare wheel in the pits. Tom burped a Tubeless tyre.

There was some exciting battles in the A race. David Conroy and Glenn Kinning were providing the excitement up front. David got a massive gap early. Glenn reeled him in and had a gap of 20 seconds on him going into the last lap. Glenn dropped his chain, David capitalised for the victory.

Eric making hay. Courtesy of Navan Camera Club

We cheered Philippe each time round. The real Orwell action centred on Eric and Eoin. Eric was in pursuit of the rider ahead of him. Behind, Eoin was holding the gap at 20 seconds. Alas Eoin could not keep in touch with Eric as the pace increased on the last lap. A solid 8th and 9th for the lads. With Eric 2 seconds off 7th place. Philippe held a 7 second advantage to score 22nd place.

Former Triathlete, Bryan Keane lost concentration after he finished the race and hit a bump, sending him over the handlebars.

Navan put on a really great event. There was even post-race food. It was chicken curry, although I only had the rice and curry sauce.

The low point of the day came on my way home. I decided to stop at the shop to pick up water. I made the executive decision to try a Vit-Hit drink, the green one... It was tough going. I cleaned the bike as is tradition. I lay on the floor for a while to align my spine.

Michelle and Breda on the podium. Courtesy of Navan Camera Club

Orwell Results

Women

Pos Name      Time
 1  SILVIA    51:59  GRAVITY BC Five Laps
 2  MICHELLE  54:57 
 3  BREDA     49:34  Four Laps

Men B

Pos Name     Time
 1  WILL RYAN  46:34  O'Leary Stone Kanturk Five Laps
16  MICHAEL    51:26
21  PAUL       52:41
35  MICHELLE   54:57
36  BARRY K    54:59
56  BREDA      49:34  Four Laps
69  LUKE(ME)   53:05

84  DAVE       10:48  Two Laps

Men A

Pos Name      Time
 1  DAVID       59:51  EUROCYCLES Eight Laps
 8  ERIC      1:05:05
 9  EOIN      1:05:48
22  PHILIPPE  1:08:30 Seven Laps
27  TOM B       26:17 Four Laps
29  RONAN       09:04 One Lap

Full Results are available from Navan Round 1: Overall.

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Fixx SuperCross Cup 2016 Round 1: Grange Castle

The start. Courtesy of Alfie Wallace’s race video

I pulled into the Pfizer carpark, my two-day old crash-replacement helmet in hand. It’s predecessor had saved me from resembling a Hammerhead shark. I played fetch with a dog, until the stone went under a car. I had parked strategically this year. There was no cycling allowed in the carpark, so it was key to park as close to the gate as possible. After signing on, I met Richard, Eric and Breda. On my way to whip out some practice laps, I met, my previous nemesis and spawner of the hashtag #GottaBeatBarry, Barry.

Cross courses have a way of etching themselves deep into your mind. So deep that your spinal fluid remembers why the course is not on its Christmas Card list. I remembered the smoothest lines through the two bumpiest corners. By the mid-point of my second practice lap, my back was in agony. After my three laps, I met CX debutante, Paul and Panda the Dalmatian.

Me before everyone passed me. Courtesy of Paul and Sinéad

I watched the start of the Women’s race. Michelle took control of the race, emulating Sven Nys in his prime. Breda was battling for second. Monica was reeling in Caomhie. Emma was also tussling for position. Some Dad was loudly criticising his daughter’s cadence. I spent most of my life having obscenities hurled at me whilst the stakes were high (read: herding cattle). I can confirm that no child wants their name included in sentences with four letter swear words. He went a bit Wealdstone Raider on me after I asked him to chill and explained the finer points about cadence selection on the course sections. I guess some homies are OG, and throw up gang signs for 60rpm.

On the grid, looking around I noticed that the bikes had changed since last year. Half the number of chainrings, and dramatically more cassette teeth. I was running a 40t Oval ring and an 11-36. I was on the second row. Richard was on the third row. Barry, Paul and Dave were buried further back.
We were unleashed. Richard’s side of the grid were faster away. I was boxed in and was losing positions hand over fist. I find 1x systems require a lot of gear changes to get to a good speed. The out of fashion double chainrings had me spoilt with their ease of acceleration.

Dave in action. Note the ground condition. Courtesy of Paul and Sinéad

I got some nice drive over the first gravel and bumpy grass section. I had forcefully commandeered the middle line I wanted. A nice gap opened behind me. This meant that your ginger protagonist would not be getting dive-bombed by some adrenaline fueled nutjob. I looked to my left after the third corner. A beautiful, Luke-favoured sight was unfolding. There was a massive compression. Riders were stopped, whilst I was accelerating away into the next section. It was strung out along onto the footpath. This made the line choices really easy. I only had to be aware of the stronger riders burning matches to get to the front. I fell on an uphill off-camber section, as a rabbit hole had decreased my traction. I looked back as I lay on the ground, threaded tyres coming at my face. I jumped up really quickly, a career as a “before” plastic surgery model flashed before my eyes. As I exited that section, another rider fell in the same position.

There was a gap in front of me going into the stairs section, this meant that I would not be stopping to queue. I made a few places in the remount. That short term income turned into a net loss on the oncoming boards and off-camber sections. Toni was the best supporter at the boards. Paul and Barry put me to the sword on this first lap.

I was not bothered by the 45-minute long Black Friday-esque barrage going past me. Included in this stampede was the Junior twins from Kanturk, who started two minutes behind the seniors. My goal for this race was to beat my Top 90 place finish from last season. The heavy grass was sapping my strength. My lower back was full of lactic acid, cramped muscles and probably a herniated disc or two. I wanted to pull out after two laps, but I kept thinking that I was putting “money in the bank”. The compound interest I would earn would see me make my goal of a Top 20 finish again this season.

Richard at the barriers. Courtesy of Paul and Sinéad

For the remainder of the race, I was getting fearful of not being able to clear the barriers due to my increasingly weak quads. But Toni’s encouragement kept the social pressure of being “Luke who snotted himself on the barriers” ever-present. Dave finally passed me. Unlike in the Randonée, he would only pass me once this day. On the last lap, I looked back and seen a group far behind. I wanted to stay away from them. On the back section I put in a dig, but I blew up before the barriers. The group passed me on the last section.

I gave back my timing tag and met with the frequent posters from Boards.ie. There was new format of giving the A racers 45 minutes to try the course (as opposed to last year’s 10 minutes). I took an express shower. I went back to the Coffee truck sporting a similar level of hygiene as an Electric Picnic patron.

Eoin in action. The ground condition has changed from the B Race and Rain. Courtesy of Verge Sport’s Blog “Cross Is Here"

Out of nowhere, it started to rain. This would mean that the course would be drastically different for the A race. Robin, fresh from his Masters XC World Championship win, was looking snazzy with his Masters CX National Jersey.

Ronan had a nice place near the front rows of the grid. Eric, Philippe and CX newbie Tom were at the back of the grid. With Eoin somewhere in between Ronan got a good start. Eric was trying too hard on the opening laps and crashed a few times, so he decided to pull out. I observed all of this from my vantage point of under the coffee truck’s canopy. My mullet has many features, alas water-resistance is not one. After the rain stopped, I bravely ventured to the board section just as Robin was turning the screw on the fast starting Squeak.

After I got home, I looked at my Strava results for the Course segment. My slowest lap this year, was similar as my fastest lap the previous year. I didn’t get lapped by anyone either. So all-in-all, it was a solid opener after my eleven week lay off.

Ronan doing his post-race ritual. Courtesy of Paul and Sinéad

Orwell Results

Women

Pos Name      Time
 1  MICHELLE  39:13 Four Laps
 3  BREDA     40:53
 4  MONICA    42:35
 5  CAOIMHE   42:50
14  EMMA      45:38

Men B

Pos Name     Time
 1  DARREN   45:50 Five Laps Bray Wheelers
34  PAUL     49:52
35  RICHARD  49:59
38  BARRY M  50:17
48  DAVID    51:19
74  LUKE(ME) 54:07

Men A

Pos Name      Time
 1  ROBIN       55:42 Seven Laps Team WORC
 8  RONAN       58:59
26  EOIN      1:01:19
45  TOM       1:04:01
51  PHILIPPE  1:06:21
74  ERIC         8:15 One Lap

Full Results are available from Fixx Round 1: A Race and B Race and Women.

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Giant PX-2 Wheelset Weight, Width and Depth

When I got my Giant TCX SLR 1 for CycloCross this winter, it had some stock wheels on it. The nebulous Giant PX-2 Wheelset. I searched all over the internet to find more details on the rims. Alas my Googling was in vain. Then it came time to switch off my CX tyres and tame my bike's wild side. I first converted the bike to tubeless and now back to tube tyres, but this time it'll have 28mm slicks on it. I decided that I would note down the key features of the wheels for all to reference from here on out.

Spoiler Alert: They're heavier than lead. 2016 is going to be the year of the high quality CX Disc Brake Wheel. Hopefully there'll be a CX equivalent of the Campagnolo Zonda (or whatever Fulcrum sticker it has on it, it's the same wheel). At the time of writing, the front runner is the Zipp Course 30, they weigh 1,500g, but at €860, Zipp can fuck off.

Here's the skinny on these chunky rims:

• Weight: 2,562 grams. Front: 1179, Rear 1383. This includes the discs on the, but not the cassette.
• Internal Width: 20mm. This is compatible with Stan's No Tubes CX Conversion Kit.
• Depth: 25mm.
• Axel Standard: Front is 15mmx100mm Thru Axel, Rear is 9mmx135mm QR.
• Tubeless Compatible: Yes. I used Stan's Yellow Tape and Sealant with Maxxis Mud Wrestler TR tyres.

See down below for the images of the wheelset with the weighing scale and the measuring tape.

Weight - 2,562g

Front - 1,179g

Rear - 1383g

Internal Width - 20mm

Depth - 25mm

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Orwell Wheelers 2015 CycloCross Championships

Long Story Short

I finished 9th out of 15 riders,
I got lapped by Eric and Barry L,
I was involved in the course design and setup.

Strava

View the ride on Strava: Orwell CX Champs. 9th/15.
View the Race on Strava Flybys: Orwell Wheelers CycloCross Championships.

Course Segment

Short Story Long

Build-Up

Sometimes I like to lie awake at night and wonder “How many times could Eric lap me in a 45 minute CycloCross race?” On the morning of Saturday the 2nd of January 2016, I got my answer. This is my story…

Stephen announced the idea for an Orwell CX Champs at the skills session with Robin Seymour back in September. The idea was approved at the AGM. Stephen had asked for some help with the organising. Eric and I said that we would help out where possible. Stephen sorted all the details; the date, booking the park and sourcing the course marking hardware. We arranged to mark out the course on a Saturday, with Eric running the rule over it on the Sunday. Eugene was pioneering the promotional side of the event. We collaborated on the Preview Post. We agreed that Eric was the favourite, but disagreed about the women’s favourite. Eugene’s copy about Brianne being “a classic kampieonschap renster” proved to be foreshadowing that only Christopher Nolan’s “The Prestige” could outdo.

Pre-Race

Come the morning of the event everyone arrived almost simultaneously. Stephen unloaded 50 poles, some barrier creation paraphernalia and 40 mini-flags created by his family, which we used for the directions. Jen had contributed sweet-looking cakes and buns. I forgot to enquire about the origin of the tea and coffee, but that was a nice touch too.

Barry M, Daisy, Eric and I began the setup for the course’s first obstacle, a series of corners. With the limited amount of poles at our disposal, we had to be clever. I decided to just mark the inside of the corners with gates to aim for on the exit of the corners which would serve as the entry to the next corner.

With my section complete, I headed back to get my bike and warmup. Darragh was putting down flags. Damien was erecting the barriers. There was a crowd amassing with Garret’s band of merry men arriving. Dennis was handling the sign-on. Non-cycling people were looking over the fence, probably wondering if it was a crime scene or an archaeological excavation.

It was decided that we would have a neutral lap to get everyone familiar with the course. Myself and Eric lead the lap. Eric showed the way through the ammonia-soaked soil of the tree section that he had designed.

Eoin was the mystery man. The new signing, donning his UCC colours would start alongside the other three in the Chase group. Eoin was missed in the preview post, but he has been prominent in the B races. He scored a 4th in Fixx’s Glencullen, 2nd in DCCX’s Killruddery and the following week took victory in Sundrive’s The Muddy Cup.

Author’s Note: some of the details below may seem harsh, but it’s all tongue-in-cheek.

Aidan, Eric, Eoin and Valdis, the four horsemen of the A-pocalypse, were released first by the race commissaire. They would be starting a lap down. Once they had cleared the first series of corners the quintet of ladies were unleashed. The magic number of five competitors would make this a regulation Club Championship event. They would be getting a head start on the remaining men.

The four vets and one junior were combined with the two B-racers. Barry was leaving his jacket on until the last minute, as is Belgian tradition. I tried to distract Mike, first enquiring; “How is the hat business going?” and next asking him if he already had puncture. It didn’t work though, Mike brushed it off with a rye grin.

My goal for the day was to level the head-to-head with Barry, at three apiece. Mike, in absence of Richard and John, issued a challenge to me; “You and me today?” I had watched one too many Conor McGregor videos to quietly back down. I was just about to retort with a “I love this beautiful country…” spiel, but…

Race

The ladies entered the series of corners and the whistle blew for us. I completely forgot to setup my pedal for entry, this lead to some fluffing with clipping in. On a scale of one to Matt Stephens (of GCN fame), it was about a three. I discovered that I was second-last, just ahead of Malcom, or Lloyd (according to Strava), competing on his MTB. I just got passed Barry and Mike before the first corner. Everyone else, except us three course abiding riders, skipped this first obstacle. There was no point moaning about it, in the end, we were well beaten by Barry K and Eddie. There were a few more liberties taken with my beloved course, which lead to the deployment of some no-nonsense marshals.

Barry went out the back after the tree section. Ciaran was forced out with a puncture. I was able to keep pace with Mike for two and a bit laps. Together we passed three fifths of the ladies, Naoise, Aisling and Sandra. On the third lap the heavy ground was getting the better of me. My next two laps drifted from 6:44 to 7:04. My final three laps were 7:19. Mike vanished into the horizon. Orla was my next capture. Looking forward I could see Eddie doing battle with Brianne over the barriers. I really wanted to gain on them, but every lap they edged past the position that I marked them at the previous lap.

The crowd was cheering really well, with Dick, Killian and Garret being the most audible. This encouragement softened the blow of Eric et al. coming up to pass me for position. Eric passed me on the corners at the start of the lap. Eoin put the move on me into the increasingly slippy corner at the bottom of the descent. Valdis took me over by the bonfire pit. Aidan put me away under the trees.

The one section of the course that was the hardest was the run back to the start line. It was so bumpy that it was just battering all the little muscles and tendons in my spine. It’s a condition listed in the BroScience Medical Textbook as “Cross Back”. Cross Back can be a two day affair when DOMS sets in the next morning. It can be solved by going for a recovery ride to remove the lactic acid from the affected areas.

Towards the end of the race, the commissaire said “Two laps” to me. I immediately heard him and Damien Long say “Last lap Eric”. Race leader, Eric Downey was about to lap me. He floated like a butterfly up the drag en route to taking the checkered flag.

Next time I looked back, I seen Barry K looming large. He put me to the sword on the run to the line. He was pretty nice about it, and had some nice words as he passed me. We clapped the rest of the riders home. No one pulled out any Mathieu Van Der Poel style celebrations. There’s always next year.

Post-Race

After the race, we posed for a photo. We each grabbed some of the course markers, many hands made light work. The course was dismantled within minutes. The winners were announced. Mike produced his box of head apparel, now dubbed the “Handley Hats”. When I got home, I pulled the bike apart and gave it a thorough cleaning, as my CycloCross season was now over.

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DCCX Kalas Classics Series 2015 Round 2: Killruddery

Long Story Short

• Finished 52nd out of 71,
• Finishing time was 43:07,
• Lap times were 7:09, 8:25, 8:51, 9:22 and 9:20,
• Got lapped by 4 riders,
• Didn't crash this race.

Strava

View the race on Strava: DCCX Round 2: KillMUDDERy. 52/71.

View the race Replay on Strava FlyBys: DCCX round 2. I enabled;

• Myself, I am the posterboy for Ginger CX Magazine,
• Barry, we had a good battle for 51st,
• Andrew, he finished 7th, 2 minutes after the leader.

Course Segment

MultiMedia

Full Results can be seen here: DCCX Kalas SuperLeague Round 2.

Alek had his Handlebar camera: DCCX Kalas Classic Series 2015 (vol 2).

Sean Rowe was snapping the Ladies race, the B race and the A race.

Short Story Long

Build-up

Stages cycling support were very helpful. They said to leave the Power Meter indoors for 24 hours for it to dry out. I got a new battery door from Fitz Cycles and took it for an FTP test. The test put my 7 Watts off my 20 minute peak power which was recorded in March after a few hard months on the Turbo. I was pretty happy about the result, and I knew I could go harder. I decided to not use the Power Meter on my CX bike anymore.

I was really happy to see that the Vegan message is getting out in the open. GoVegan.ie's poster campaigns at the bus stops and the subsequent radio interviews are hopefully opening the public's eyes to the trauma that humans are capable of inflicting on a grand streamlined scale. A radio debate on NewsTalk ensued, the Vegan lady, said that animal abuse was "unethical". The "Cow and Sheep" representative had only one option left to him. He went with the nuclear response; "These Vegans believe that cows are raped". This lead host Chris Donoghue to end the interview there and then.

Even with the glaring evidence of the WHO's report, the government won't speak out about the animal trade, as they have campaign sponsors who are heavily invested in meat. Teagsc had a report detailing that by completing a conversion from a Dairy farm to an Organic Veg farm, you can increase your profits by €200pha. Although you'll have to go to Farmer's Markets at the weekend instead of CX races.

I fell victim to Amazon's Black Friday build-up deals when buying an SSD for my four and a half year old MacBook Pro. Which, like Paula Radcliffe, is running really well after upgrades are applied.

Pre-Race

The low lying winter sun blinded my eyes as I tried to navigate the non-existent car park. I didn’t know how to park. Being the third car at the event, I was going to be the car parking trend setter. The guy who handled the sign on arrived and told me there was a better car park around the corner, which I availed of. I went in to sign-on, where I encountered Alek, Barry M, Breda and our latest debutant, Luke.

I was the second person on the course. I did three laps. The first two laps I rode on the sides of the course, to discover where best to avoid the bumpy and soft sections. The third lap, I put the lap together, I knew the lines I’d be taking and the sides of the course I’d be elbowing to occupy at the start. The most important line of the course would be the entry to, and avoidance of, the water covered tractor tyre tracks. Whilst cleaning the muck out of my shoes and pedals using a tyre level, I watched riders trying that watery section. Everyone hugged the inside of the corner. I was going to ride the middle of the track and swerve across before the water. That line, would mesh nicely with the requirement to “just smash it” across the preceding section where John was marshalling.

The women’s race was delayed by fifteen minutes. I watched their start to cheer on Naoise and Breda. I also wanted to see what would happen at the first obstacle. I noted that the field was half the size of the previous week’s field, 13 racers as opposed to 26.

I headed back to the car to prepare for my race. I met Richard, Valdis and Fionn (whom I believe was making his debut in the cauldron of the A-race, fair play for not sandbagging). I lent my pump to Valdis to adjust his tyre pressures. He was going with 50psi in both tyres. I opted to go with 30psi. I should’ve gone down to 20psi, as the course evolved, it would request more grip. I didn’t anticipate this. Michael and Barry K also showed up. I consumed a gel and sank 750ml of water with a High5 Extreme Caffeine tablet dissolved in it. I couldn’t sleep until 2am that night.

I struggled to pin on the fourth pin, and needed help from some nice Australian/New Zealand people. I joined up to the grid. I wanted a good position after the previous week, where I started at the back. I wanted to be on the right hand side of the grid. It would allow me to access my planned line and the surface was more compacted there. I was about half way back in the grid of 71. Valdis was directly in front of me, Richard was to my left. Luke was diagonally behind me. Mike and both Barrys were buried in the scrum behind.

The Grid

Race

The countdown expired and we accelerated off. Most riders went to the left of the track. I made up lots of places by using the centre channel. Two lads came a cropper in front of me just before the water. I navigated between them and asserted my dominance over the point of track I wanted to use to cut across. Traversing this soupy section I was the second placed Orwell rider, with only Barry K ahead.

Water finds its level, and I was soon passed by Valdis, Richard and Mike. They powered along the bumpier, right side of the track in front of the hay bales. I occupied the smoother left side. After a few more corners, a guy on a mountain bike crashed, forcing me to lose momentum. I ceded places to Barry M and Luke. I looked back as I climbed the corn field section. I was about eighth last.

I was very weak on that climbing section. But I was much stronger and braver on the grass field downhill section. Throughout the race, I made up a lot of positions on this section. It was just a case of holding position through the mucky woods by going through a rut. After dismounting to jump the ditch, the lap brought us around to the timing mats. This was a nice part of the track. It allowed the tyres to shed muck, in the early laps anyway. From there it was about being brave through the wooden bridges and carrying as much speed, using a big gear, as possible through the John’s mucky section. I was getting bounced around, like a rag doll, but I was heading in the right direction. If you’re not in danger of slipping a disk in your back, you’re not going hard enough.

Another lad binned it just as I was about to make my cut across to avoid the water. I let him know I was displeased with his actions, as I dismounted and ran the following section. It was beginning to look like a Tesco Chow Mein, the one in the red box. It probably tasted nicer than its food counterpart. The rest of the lap passed of nicely.

The stuff CX courses are made out of.

I caught up to Barry in the corn field section of lap three, he said that it would not be his day. Next I caught sight of Luke. He, like many others, was paying for a fast start. John was cheering me on each time as I exited the forest section. I gave him a “Two ‘Go Luke’s for the price of one” deal as I made the pass on, nine years my junior, Luke.

Some guy rubbed tyres with me through the soupy section. I could feel the thread of the tyres jar. Then they gave way as he went down. He didn’t look as much like Harvey Dent as I expected, as he ran past me, nudging my shoulder with his back wheel. I made up another place on section in front of the bales. The guy almost lost it on the corner and clipped me. I was OK with this. I let him know that I was of the opinion that CX is a full contact sport. After my left hip coming in contact with tyres in the last three races, I could not opine differently. I encountered Michael in the corn field, we traded places twice as he sped off. The next time I saw Mike, he was standing at the side of the road.

The last lap of the race passed without incident, if you call getting skunked on the line by Barry “without incident”. After I made the pass on Barry, he was always within striking distance, just like at PunchesCross. We were able to fend off the leaders lapping us until the last lap. I sensed Barry’s presence through the corn field. I backed off through the greasy grassy downhill section, as more leaders lapped me. Any time I looked back Barry was looming larger. After transcending the ditch I had a few meters on Barry. I was on the drops giving it everything I had. There was a spec of dirt on my Garmin screen, it was obscuring my speed, I thought it read 36kmh, but it was 26kmh. I thought I had done enough, but Barry just appeared on the inside and beat me to the line by a bike length. I passionately voiced my feelings, which drew a few chuckles from the crowd. I lost the sprint for Fifty-first.

From Sean Rowe

Post-Race

Lots of riders followed my previous week's example, they took an extra lap at the end. The only problem with the races is that there is not a flag at the end. The course was laid out very well and the chip timing was a great addition to the DCCX series. The comments on Boards were very complimentary, as opposed to the previous round of DCCX.

I missed the whole A-race, as I waited in-line to use the hose and get my clothes changed. Wobbles, who parked beside me had a pretty badass power washer. It was a tank of water and a motorbike battery with a small pump. The complimentary beer was really nice. The presentation of the prizes took place and most people filtered out after that. I stayed to watch the last lap of the World Cup race that they were streaming. Everyone enjoyed Sven Nys pulling out the victory.

Pre-hose

What Was Learned

• Hoses are good at cleaning bikes, but it still needs more attention to fully clean it.
• The number of riders that I am being lapped by is decreasing, which is a great sign.
• My climbing is still bad.

reade more... Résuméabuiyad

Fixx SuperCross Cup 2015 Round 3: Tymon Park

Long Story Short

• Classified as 57th, but I ruined the rankings by taking an extra lap,
• Actually finished 64th out of 89 riders,
• Finish time was 45:57,
• Lap times were 10:45, 10:51, 11:53 and 12:11,
• Got lapped by 18 riders,
• Had a few falls.

Full results are available on the Fixx SuperCross Cup Results Page.

Strava

View the race on Strava: Fixx SuperCross Cup 2015 Round 3: Tymon Park, B Race. 64/89. Finished with 10psi in my back tyre.

View the race on FlyBys: Fixx SuperCross Cup 2015 Round 3: Tymon Park, B Race.
I've enabled the Orwell Riders;

• Myself; every race needs pack fill,
• Barry; he had a great ride to 50th,
• John; after a poor start, he recovered well to finish 45th,
• Valdis; Orwell's B-race lynchpin, finishing 16th.

Course Segment

Although some of them times are very suspect.

Multimedia

Alek had his handlebar camera on for this race, watch the video: 2015 FIXX Supercross / round 3 / Tymon Park.
Sean Rowe was around the course for the A-race, the B-race and Ladies race.

Short Story Long

Build-up

My back wheel was slipping on the Glencullen golf course when I got out of the saddle, I presumed due to high tyre pressure. I wanted to go Tubeless with my tyres, to get dem sweet, sweet low pressures. I put in a large order to Bike24 and Chain Reaction for bike upgrades. I really lusted after that Ultegra CX crankset. Live is too short to ride five bolt cranksets.

The conversion was hard, due to my rookie mistakes, but I got it done. I also got a head light, so I could ride in the dark. Orwell's A4 group are doing night intervals and there's a secret CX meet-up on Thursday nights. It's fun not having to explain to a wife about my expenditure.

"Your bike already has tyres and a pedal thing, why are you buying these, we're saving for a deposit, I can't live with Farty Frank in this dinky apartment anymore." - Non-existent wife.

"Listen love, the tyres will allow me to run lower pressures without pinch flatting, the new crankset is 40g lighter than the old one, and Frank doesn't fart as much as your mother." - Me not having to explain my logical decisions.

I rode a Mucky CX session with Mark, who won the previous two B-races. As Spectre is out, I'll use a James Bond comparison to distinguish us. He's in the class of Eva Green in Casino Royale, I more like Henchman 32 in the Timothy Dalton one.

The Paris Murders had me pretty rilled up. It took my a few days to figure out who, or what, I was truly angry at. Nothing quite like a terrorist attack to make you confront your own mortality and life. Everyone has an opinion on this whole Middle-East debacle. War has always been, rich people getting richer and poor people dying. According to Fallout, "War... war never changes".

Imagine if defence budgets were put into renewable energy forms. Praise the work of Gates and Zuckerberg. There would be no need to influence politics in foreign nations for their Black Gold reserves. But alas, we live in a world where disposable World Leaders have warmongers to obey, lest they end up like one, or more, of the Kennedy clan.

Pre-Race

I had another worry on my mind. My Stages Power Meter was on the frtiz. I thought it was Water Damaged, it was shorting out and draining batteries. How would I get it working again? How would I be able to make purple lines appear on my Strava graphs? These were my thoughts as I waited for Tymon Park to open. I parked in the estate across the road from the gates, as to not obstruct the traffic. I used Google Maps to scout the car park size. I reasoned that I needed to be there super early to get a nice spot.

I chatted to Siobhan and Alek as we signed on. I did three practice laps. I could not muster the courage to ride the drop. Valdis was making his CX debut in the Dublin area. He had previously raced north of an imaginary line. We watched the Women's race. Most of them were riding the drop. I retreated to my automobile for the thirty minutes before the race to eat, drink and pin on numbers. I forgot to check my tyres for pressure. The rear tubeless tyre was still leaking air out of one spoke.
I went over to the start line, and took a run the first part of the lap. Upon my return, I discovered that the grid was full. I would be starting from the back. There was five minutes to go to the start. I seen a track pump beside me. I had no place on the line to lose. I himmed and hawwed about it, and decided not to. I should've pumped my tyre there.

I was beside two youngsters from the Kanturk stable. They would be starting a minute after those who've been through the heady days of college life. Two pizzas, fifteen cans and a mosh to "Killing in the Name of" a week, I'm still feeling the effects of after four and a half years.

Race

Lukie Räikkönen need to whip out some Michael Schumacher type shit, except wearing a helmet and cycling on-piste. So I did what Schuie would've done, I cheated gained an advantage over my rivals. I held onto the railing and had both feet already clipped in. I felt like an absolute wanker. I havn't been drinking very much alcohol, the feelings of shame and guilt are not masked for me anymore. Those feeling quickly disappeared as I started making up places. I was in the thick of it for the first lap. I jumped down the drop, and ended up running most of the forest section. I even passed John. Then I slowly lost all the places I made up.

The socks were not so white in the later laps - Sean Rowe.

On the second lap, a guy on a Mountain Bike was trying to come by me at the start of the Off-Camber section. There was thistles to the right of the narrow track. I popped out my elbow, to defend my space. He decided to bide his time to make the pass. Opting not to cycle through the thistles. He passed me on the second climb of that section.

Most of the rest of the race I was competing with a guy in a black and white harlequin patterned jersey. I didn't descend the drop during the race, as I was losing all faith in my brakes. There was a little kid at the entrance egging me on to ride it. I had a fair few falls. I passed Michael in the forest section once. His balding rear wheel was not aiding his cause in the mucky section. Just after I passed him, I tried to remount. My pedals were so full of crud, that I could not clip in easily. I slowly fell over, as I shouted out "cunt". I had a collision with a tree trunk on my second last lap, I entered the start of the forest section with lots of speed, but I couldn't steer. I went straight into a tree trunk, my second tree collision of the season. On my last lap, I fell on the mucky downhill after the forest section was cleared. Someone bike hit my hip, but he didn't fall.

Discussing forestry with Mike - Sean Rowe.

I did fairly well in the "spiral of confusion", I was just aiming for the greenest parts that dwindled as the race wore on. On the other muddy sections, I also followed the principle of staying on the green areas on the side of the trail in the other muddy sections. The problem with the traction on the course was that there only one section for the tyres to accelerate to a speed where the mud would reach escape velocity. From the wall section to the end of the forest section, it was just constant slow speed riding and mud.

My main fear was burping my rear tyre, and/or denting the rim. The pressure in the rear wheel was slowly vanishing into thin air. I didn't put the Stan's Yellow Tape in the rim, as I thought that the standard blue tape would do the job. I do believe that this was the ride that helped seal the one spoke where air was escaping. Every time I hit the root in the wall section or the curb at the end of the lap, I could feel the rim. My rudimentary bunny hopping skills debilitated to front wheel popping skills as the race wore on. So I was not able to avoid these obstacles. But I feared the burp on the bridge. As I got to the other side of the crossing, the rear of the bike would slide all over the place as I put the power down. But the upshot of the low pressure was fantastic control in the mud. I finished the race with 20psi in my front tyre and 10psi in the back.

At the end I took an extra lap. I don't know why I did it. It happened. I'm not proud. My life was divided into two parts, before that extra lap, and after that extra lap. I just live day to day now.

The finish, or what should've been the finish for me - Sean Rowe.

Post-Race

I was so covered in shit, that I just said hello to a few people and went back to the car. I used the three pieces of Kitchen roll that I brought to get the largest pieces of muck off. But alas, Plenty Kitchen roll's CX bike cleaning properties were not as effective as Occam's Razor or Newton's Flaming Laser Sword at disproving Last Thursdayism.

The tyres were caked in shizzle, but they cleared on the path back to the car.

I ate and lounged out in front of my computer watching some meaningless crap as darkness crept up on me. I had to clean the bike with minimal lighting, in colder temperatures.

When the results were released, my extra lap made me feel really bad for taking the extra lap at the end. But then I went to the Ireland vs. Bosnia match and that made me happy again.

What was Learned

• Get to the grid early,
• It takes less than five minutes to pump your tyres,
• Stop off at a garage on the way home to clean the bike,
• Clean your bike in the daylight,
• Cheating is extremely effective.

reade more... Résuméabuiyad

Giant PX-2 Wheels Converted to Tubeless

I wanted to change my clincher wheels to tubeless for CycloCross. The Mud is starting to appear and running 40psi (2.75bar) is not ideal. I also didn't want to pinch flat from running lower pressures. I don't complain because that's what losers and victims do. I solve shit.

What you will need:

• Tubeless Compatible wheel; Giant PX-2 Wheelset, although wheels without spoke holes in the rim are best, like the DT Swiss rims.
• Tubeless Ready tyre; Maxxis Mud Wrestler EXO TR,
• Tubeless Valve Stems; ones with removable cores are the best,
• Tubeless kit: Sealant, Yellow Tape, Valve Core Remover and Sealant Injector,
• Tyre Levers; plastic are recommended,
• Soap Application kit; Sponge, Sink and Dish Soap,
• Tyre Inflation Device, i.e. a pump,
• An Inner tube, for the initial seating/rounding of the tyre,
• Patience and a Work Ethic,
• A sense of humour, as there are some dodgy jokes in this article.

Process

Where I fucked up: Install Stan's Yellow tape over the Blue Rim Strip. Do this first. It makes it easier when air is seeping out of the spoke holes.

Other Notes: The Stan's black Rim Strips didn't bring me any success. I couldn't get the tyre to seat at the valve using these.


Put on the tyre, get it aligned and the thread direction correct. Install a tube and inflate it, this will seat one side.

Tubeless tyre with a tube inside to seat one side.

Deflate the tyre, unseat ONE SIDE of the tyre, and remove the tube. In the picture, I should have the Yellow Tape installed.

Keep one side seated as you remove the tube.

Install the Valve stem. Twist on the  Again, I should have the Yellow Tape installed here.

Valve Stem Installed.

Put back on the unseated bead and try to get it as high up the rim as possible, so it will seat faster. Apply the Dish Soap to the unseated seated side, to create a temporary seal. Now take a few deep breaths, mentally prepare yourself for the upcoming struggle. Pump it, pump it like there's no tomorrow. I aimed for 60psi (4.1bar).

Pump it like you're a pornstar.

I missed the picture where I'm injecting the sealant. I put 60ml (2oz) in a tyre with the Yellow Tape, and 90ml (3oz) in a tyre without the Yellow Tape. Add more air and distribute the Sealant inside the tyre. Shake that tyre, like you're an irresponsible baby sitter. I had problems with air coming out of the spoke holes, so I put the holes at the bottom, grabbed the tyre by it's outsides (3 & 9 o'clock positions) and flipped it backwards really fast a few times, until it stopped leaking.



Leave the tyre on each side for five minutes. This will seal the side walls.

Seal the sidewalls.

Wait a while before riding the tyres. Take them on short rides near your home at the start. Enjoy life with less PSI.

reade more... Résuméabuiyad

Fixx SuperCross Cup 2015 Round 2: Glencullen

Long Story Short

• Finished 84th/95,
• Cumulative time was 43:59.
• Lap times were 10:24, 10:27, 11:37 and 11:31,
• Crashed on Lap 3,
• Lapped on Lap 3,
• I would've finished 15th/20 in the Women's race,
• I would've finished 74th/77 in the A-race.

Strava

View the race on Strava: Fixx SuperCross Cup Round 2: Glencullen Golf Club B-Race. This crashing into other people is becoming a trend.

View the race on Strava Flybys: Fixx SuperCross Cup Round 2: Glencullen B-Race. I enabled;

• Myself, sure why not,
• Karl, who would finish third,
• John, he was the highest placed Orwell rider on Strava, Barry K was not selectable,
• Barry, we had a tiny battle.

The course segment:

Multimedia

Alek had his handlebar camera: 2015 FIXX Supercross / round 2 / Glencullen Golf Course / B race.

Sean Rowe has albums for the A-race, the B-race and Women's race,
Adrian McLeavey also has albums for the A-race, the B-race and Women's race.

Short Story Long

Build Up

I got back from a week on a Spring Core course in Poland. I've been trying to keep animal products out of my body. After watching scenes from Earthlings, animal exploitation not something I want to support anymore. From my experience, Poland specialise in putting animals, into everything. They'd probably make mortar out of eggs if it wasn't against EU building regulation 310-B-46.2. They settled for painting buildings egg shell instead. I had a good time and learned a lot about South American politics, Indian traditions and MicroServices.

Pre-Race

I checked my Instagram's Discover Feed as I was taking my first of three Bathroom visits. Cormac from Cycle Sierra Nevada, was liking pictures of a CX event in Norway. My feed was full of Edvald Boasson Hagen ripping it up on Norway's CX races. Norwegians love two things, cutting down trees and Eddie The Boss.

After I arrived, I would meet Lenny, from Boards.ie. He was sporting a snazzy new rear derailleur. Phoenix Park had claimed his previous one. This course would claim a few derailleurs. Lenny would be hoping for a "Buy two get one free" deal that afternoon. I would meet Daragh, also from Boards.ie, during the race. But as he made his introduction, I was looking like WWE's The Undertaker. My eyes rolled into my skull as I recovered from the hill run up after the bunker.

I lined up on the startline 1.2kg heavier than the previous week's race in Punchestown. 72kg Luke vs. a massive uphill slog, there would be only one victor this day. Still, I asked for no quarter and none was going to be given on this abandoned golf course. The sandy bunkers were going to be tricky. I was very nervous in the practice laps. especially the drop into the second one, which was ridable.

Courtesy of Fixx SuperCross Cup Facebook Page.

It was the first time that a women's specific race had been held. So getting to the venue early to get in at least three practice laps was my aim. Siobhan and Brianne were riding their first CX race. The sand pit provided the first bit of entertainment. Just like a Whale driven insane by the sonar of US Submarines patrolling the Pacific, Brianne ended up beached. Unable to unclip, Barry aided her. She lost a load of time there. The horrible part of the the lap was the attrition on the final uphill section of the lap. The women's faces on the second lap showed the toll it would be taking on me. Fran took out Orla at the top of this section. Orla would be in the wars again when she got trapped in the bluey-green netting. Robin Seymour was on hand to free her and repair the netting. There was a few more slow speed falls. I went back to my car with thirty minutes to go to prepare.

Race

The start procedure was a bit quiet, from the back of the grid. The race was hard. Really hard. I ran up the hill from the first bunker and was able to keep pace with the lads cycling. Every time I did run, my heart rate would spike to 184bpm. Which is my ticker's top end. Only once had my heart rate gone higher. I almost missed a hairpin when descending from Trevelez. I hit 195bpm as I rescued myself.

The running and high heartbeat was the CycloCross equivalent of Premature Ejaculation, as the next part of the lap demanded power and concentration. The off-camber 180º corner into the bunker requested that I focus on making the turn. There was a badly placed stake that was very close to my chosen exit line. It was just about not looking at the kneecap dislocating pole as I cornered. The first lap passed off without incident, well if you call being fourth last as "without incident".

Starting the second lap, I reflected that I loved the green area that comprised the start - finish complex, I enjoyed flowing through it. I bantered a guy on a Mountain Bike about having "CycloCrosser's Crack", the cycling version of "Builder's Bum". He was wearing baggy shorts and a tight jersey, think Gwen Stefani in "Hollaback Girl". I passed Barry, as he untangled the course tape from his bike. Barry quickly regained the place.

Towards the end of that second lap, I dug deep to power passed a Foyle rider on the final uphill section. I held him off until the sand pit. I entered it and heard someone shouting "He's on a great line, he's on a great line." I had a mare of an exit and I fell over. On my way down, I felt his wheel being swayed by my hip. I took him out. The photo was picked up by StickyBottle. It was my first time on there, hopefully not the last. I'm hoping for a Rowan-esque rise on that publication. Where he went from "Unidentified" to headlining their Season Ending A4 Results post.

It was the second race in a row that I had collided into another rider. I said sorry, in person and on Sean Rowe's picture. Conrad took it pretty well. He also wakes up slightly earlier than me, as I had some Facebook notification after my 06:45 alarm went off.

Courtesy of Sean Rowe.

The power required to complete the final uphill section without doing The Walk of Shame was fast deserting me. The second last lap, I had to run the second half of it. The last lap, I had to run it all. I was glad when the race was over.

Post-Race

Eamon, who discovered that I was not a figment of his imagination when I caused him to crash the previous race, was waiting at the finish line. We discussed the race. I wrapped up warm, enjoyed my complimentary Fixx coffee and watched the A-race from the side lines. Eric Phillipe and, debutante, Sean were the Orwell representatives. I noticed that Sean had a large brown mark on his kit. I wondered where he could've come off. Turns out he quickly discovered that CX is a full contact sport. He was on the receiving end of a Luke-ing from one of the series sponsors.

Courtesy of LuccaSports Race Report.

Meanwhile, Eric kicked some A-race ass. I noted how I should've been riding the bunkers. I was hitting them under braking. I should've been smashing into them. My legs were very drained for that evening and Monday.

When the results came out, I was very disappointed to be so far down the order. After the uphill slogs, I was happy that I pushed the guys in the shop for the 32T cassette. Anyone who says that "a 39x25 will get you over anything", needs to be locked up with the other wankers who say that "wheels are a better investment than a power meter" and "saddle bags have no place on a bike", so they can all have a big circlejerk.

What Was Learned

I felt that I lacked the power on the uphill sections, but I was very sound on the technical sections. I largely ignored this performance, as I put it down to a week of eating and drinking shit.

reade more... Résuméabuiyad

DCCX Kalas Classics Series 2015 Round 1: PunchesCross

Long Story Short

• Targeted a Top 75 finish - turns out there was 75 starters.
• Finished 59th
• Lapped near the end of Lap 3.
• Crashed on Lap 4.

Strava

View the ride on Strava DCCX Round 1: PunchesCross B Race 59/75. Only the one crash.
View the course segment Punchestown Lap - Punchestown lap

View the race replay on Strava FlyBy, I've enabled;

• Myself, the star,
• Richard - who finished fifth,
• Barry - to view how close we were after our early skirmish,
• Michael - highest placed Orwell rider.

Multimedia

Alek had his handle bar cam again. It's one of his better videos from an action perspective. He didn't have the greatest of starts but recovers with an impressive number of passes.
Sean Rowe was the photographer on the track. He published more than three hundred and thirty images from across the main events.

Short Story Long

So there I was, I looked at Jay, he looked back at me with is brown eyes. He had no idea what was going on inside my head. We were in McDonalds, the only open place in town, on the main street in Gliwice, Poland. I had not eaten a McDonalds' burger in 2015 (I've had a few BurgerKing and Mcflurrys). Now I was about to eat my second of the day. How did I get here? This is my story...

Build-up

I've had a busy few weeks since the Grange Castle CX race. My bike needed a service. It turns out my rear QR wasn't tight enough, and that was to blame for the gears shifting under load. This caused a broken chain one night when I was training with, among others, the DCCX organiser, Sean.

My car also needed an NCT and only needed a visual re-inspection. Not bad for ten years old. The lowest point was my fourteen year old dog, Kenny, needing to be put down. He was very sick and the vet said that he would have no quality of life. It was strange not to have him greet me as I got home to Galway. He had a great life and was on the verge of reeling back the years this summer, when my other dog, Sam, was in heat. He's buried in the flowerbed, outside my bedroom window, with my previous dog, Lass.

The highest point was experiencing Ireland beat Germany in the Aviva.

I had been working on my weaknesses from the previous race, weak core, run-ups and sprinting out of corners. The latest Thursday night session with Sean was very informative, we were concentrating on riding a U-shaped track, where the first part was downhill and the exit was uphill. I may as well have been using a laser pointer for all the good my front light was. I left the session having learned some things, but a bit disheartened. The next evening I put in a solid hour in the park along the Dodder. I did a lot of these U-shaped off camber corners.

Pre-Race

I woke very early on Sunday morning, I had everything ready to go from the previous day. My only concerns were performance anxiety, eating a bowl of Almond Milk and Maple Syrup Porridge and stretching.

I arrived well before my target of 10am. I used this time to sign on and get my number. This race would be marred by these numbers. The toilets were a bit of a ride away from the course, couple this with getting out of and back into a skinsuit and you have a long time to allocate to a bathroom break.
I ended up doing three laps of the course, on Alek's advice. The first lap, I was very scared of the sharp descents after the dismount points. On the second lap, I took my time to remount before descending them and on the third lap I was very comfortable. I should've paid attention to the surface at the foot of the descents, something I rectify in future.

The grass was longer than Grange Castle, but nothing that troubled the rear derailleur's jockey wheels. The course contained a very bumpy section where the Rushes had been cut. The run-up was grand the first two times, but the third time, I was goosed. I had to stall for a breather as my eyes were rolling up into my skull and my lower back was feeling weak.

I didn't ride the step-up or the first clay ascent in my practice laps. It was possible to ride the clay ascent using the left side of the path, as it wasn't obstructed by a tree root. One of the racers moved some twigs to clear the left side of the step-up, so now it could be ridden. The organisers were baffled as to the identity the assailant, who the media have dubbed "The PunchesCross Lumberjack". Although posters on various internet forums claim to be this mysterious person, no disqualifications have been made. The hunt continues...

Pinning on the number was a disaster, but I got it sorted. I lent my pump to Alek and went to the bathroom before going to the startline to properly sort out the number. There was a large Orwell contingent on the grid, most of us in our new Skinsuits with new club sponsor Scott on them. Scott have been pumping a lot of money back into the sport and it's good to be associated with them. We had a few people making their cross debut too. John tried to banter me about consuming a caffeine gel before the race, but I wasn't having any of it.

I had already decided on 40psi for the tyres. With the course having nettles and other plants, I decided to use leg warmers. I went with my trusty Adidas gloves, that my mother has sown up in a few places, I didn't want a repeat of the chaffing on my hand from the Grange Castle race. I employed an Aldi sleeveless base layer under the skinsuit. There wasn't any pockets, so I was using my saddle bag to hold only my keys. I would have offered to hold other people's keys too, but I had to leave straight after the race.

The Women and B-Racers moved to the grid at the bottom of the hill. The orgaisers told everyone to ensure you had the number on your right shoulder. This caught lots of people off-guard. I was the only person around, when I was getting my number, so I had the time to double check that the guy said "on the right shoulder". The rider in front of me had his number on this back pockets. When the 30-second call was made, I setup my pedal for entry and opted for the 36-32, my position on the grid and the hill dictated that gearing choice. With ten seconds to go, I got onto the saddle and my tippy toe.

Race

Lap 1

I waited for the people in front of me to move. My start wasn't great, I was near the back of the grid and I couldn't keep pace with most of the riders beside me. This wan't a massive problem, as there was a big queue at the first obstical. I slowed to allow the crowd to pass. This allowed the legs to adjust to the effort, as I had been standing around for the previous thirty minutes. As I rode up the other side of the bank, I was back onto the group. I noticed John had a problem, which allowed me to pass him.

A little gap opened in front of me, which I let happen. This allowed me to ride up the first proper vertical ramp. Using the left side, I passed a guy who was clipping in. After that descent it lead in to the second vertical ramp. This was not ridable. I noticed I was dismounting later than my immediate competitors. I used all my David Millar power to fire the bike vertically upwards. My next step was to launch off my ankle. I was at the top with three steps.

I was back on the bike and held position, behind Barry until I attacked him before the first gravel section. Barry passed me again on the run up. There was lots of encouragement from the people on this climb. There was a mother and two kids on the final turn shouting "Go Orwell". Barry put a decent bit of time into me on the climb back to the start finish line.

Lap 2

I could hear Sean on the mic cheering me on. A guy on the first turn cheered Barry on. I was right on his wheel again now. I looked back I was about fourth last. There was a hard-charging John steaming towards us. I stayed behind Barry for a few more turns. John caught up and inquired about how my gels were working out for me. We both passed Barry. With John powering towards the horizon. My next pass was a guy in a blue jersey. He slowed too much going into an off-camber corner and he was slow coming out of it. I had the gears set up before I was on the brakes. I got a better run out of the corner and put the screws to him. This CycloCross is easy. There wasn't much happening for the rest of this lap, except for one really sweet pass I put on a guy.

Lap 3

Sean cheered me again, and I heard the people noting the numbers say "57" as I passed. I looked back on the grass section to see Barry was still within striking distance. My only pass on this lap was Brendan, the really young lad. I was feeling good for the rest of this lap. My only concern was that the drop on the other side of the first clay ramp was becoming more and more loosely packed. I ran fairly wide on it this time round. I got lapped by the men's leader. The top two women passed me too. But I was enjoying it too much to care.

Just before the first dismount point, I spotted a pair of riders. Both were known to me. Richard, looked like he had blown-up after a fantastic first lap. The other was a man I had not seen in a long time, Eamon from my old club, Shannonside in Athlone.

I took the wide line into the dismount to avoid Eamon, and went up the left side of it, I had not taken this side before. As I got to the top and remounted, I balked. I should've paid more attention on my practice laps. There was a pothole at the bottom of the descent in front of me. Me getting flung over the handle bars was a possibility, I steeled myself for this. But I avoided this fate.

I gave Eamon some encouragement as I passed him into the sand-pit, before the rushes section. He reckonised me. I didn't look back, as I was slowly closing in on Richard. Eamon and I traded places twice more, he passed me on the climbs and I passed him on the corners. He finally made a pass that stuck on the climb to the finish. As he soared by, he said "I can still climb though". A reference to when we rode the 115km Croí Lap of Lough Corrib together. He put five minutes into me on the climb out of Maam Cross.

Lap 4

Sean encouraged me more and my number was noted again. My legs turned to jelly as soon as I was on the grass. The only thing keeping me going was Richard, who beat me by four minutes at Grange Castle. I have been assured, by medical experts, that the definition for the way he was looking is; "shot to shit". I was also gaining back the ground I lost to Eamon. My blood was up, I was going to pass these two on the upcoming two ramps. This CycloCross thing is a piece of piss.

Eamon dismounted and ran up the clay ramp. Richard rode up on the left. I followed. Richard was going over the top as I got there. Eamon was remounting on the right. I made the first pass.
The next thing Richard heard was "shcrruck, you fuck, no no no, aaagh, shit". I, like the sisterhood of the Titanic, was resting on the floor. The bike had slid out from underneath me on the loose packed clay at the bottom of the rise. I was lying on my right side. Eamon, powered by gravity (Newton's Invention, not the Space RomCom), was catapulted over the bars as his front wheel hit my left hip.

My thought process was; clear the path, how was Eamon's bike, how was my bike, Barry will pass me. Michelle came down the path. I handed Eamon his bike. He fixed his chain. I though my chain was off, but it had jumped down the cassette.

I exited the tree section, Richard, and my chances of avenging the four minute Grange Castle deficit, were gone. Spurred on my adrenaline I skipped up the next ramp. My legs began to give in on the grassy section, as I noticed my leg warmer had a hole in it.

I really hoped that there wasn't any damage to the skinsuit, or my flesh. I didn't fancy sitting on a Ryanair flight to Krakow missing a chunk of knee skin. It's not everyday I encounter a former world champion and current bronze medalist. Orla passed me on this Rushes section, looking unbelievably pro.

From Sean Rowe

As I approached the run up, I was hoping Sean Rowe would get a picture of me, really dusty and torn leg warmer. I could use it for Tinder. "Luke, 26, Can't grow a beard. Finds rugby to be a seditive. Doesn't prefer to, but when called upon, can get his hands dirty." Anyone who has used Tinder for five minutes will realise that this filters out ninety percent of southside women.

Lap 5

When Eamon didn't pass me on the hill, I felt really guilty. Had I ruined his race and possibly his bike? This nagging guilt, plus the growing fatigue in my legs and lower back, made me glad I had just to get to the finish.

As I approached the clay ascent, my Waterloo, I said "once more into the breach." I took it gingerly going down, and shouted "turn, turn, fucking turn" at the bottom.

Most of the other front runners were passing me now. I kept moving off the racing line to let them through. Alek gave me some encouragement as he came past. As I had been lapped, I didn't have to complete a sixth lap.

Post-Race

I posed for a picture for Sean Rowe, at the finish line. This image didn't not exude the powerful alpha-male magnetism that my Tinder profile required. There was a contingent of Orwell riders, Richard had finished a minute a head of me. Barry was home soon afterwards. I seen Eamon come through and I got his attention. I apologised again for causing him to crash and ruining his race. He reckoned he was about two meters in the air after going over me. I examined my kit on the side that collided with the bike, there was a tyre track. We talked about the race and the club.

Bodies broken, from Sean Rowe

I had to rush home. I had a plane to catch. After completely misjudging where my carpark was and standing at the wrong shuttle bus shelter. Dublin Airport have an answer to Dundrum Cinema's "Display Popcorn". I'm still bitter about the day I walked up to the Ice Cream counter and pointed at the popcorn buckets on the lit up shelf and asked for one, "that's display popcorn".
In the Airport, I stood between McDonalds and an unbranded canteen. The people in the restaurant looked more miserable than the McDonalds patrons, so I went for it. I ate my fist McDonalds burger of 2015. Apart from the space to put chips on top of the patty, I wasn't missing much.
When we arrived in Gliwice, via Krakow, we checked the square for food. There was nothing open, save a few Kebab shops. McDonalds was the only other option. I pointed to the Big Mac and used all my interpretative dance to explain that I didn't want Mayo on the minced cow carcass.

I was a little jealous that I missed the beer, cake and A-race. Although I wouldn't have drank the beer before driving. I really enjoyed the race, the course and the progress I've made. DCCX should be proud of the event they put on.
The results were a bit off, but my times, bar the first lap, were fairly accurate.

I also had the added excitement of the "race within a race", that the Orwell guys had going on. Richard possessing a five minute lead on me in the CX GC. John and Michael tied 1-1 on head-to-head victories. Me getting one over on Barry for his demolition jobs in the 10 and 25 mile time trials in the Club League.

What Was Learned

• I could see what Sean was showing us about the off-camber cornering. Set the gearing for the corner's exit, Off the brakes and lean the bike under you.
• I need to regain my out of the saddle abilities.

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