Cycling War Stories: Charlie Blue Toes

In this entry in the Luke's Cycling War Stories Series. We go back to the good old days of January 2015... the day when Charles's Toes Went Blue in an Oughterard Hail Storm.

It was January 31st 2015, my friend Charles and I went to do a 100km spin out of Galway, Ireland. We were training for a trip with Cycle Sierra Neavada.

We were still kinda Freds (a bad case of Fred-itis) at this stage. The spin entailed going west along the Wild Atlantic Way to Rossaveal then north to Maam Cross and Oughterard via a climb, and back south to Galway city.

We had a block headwind on the way out. We were Fredding it up with parachute-esque Yellow Aldi Jackets. Double Training tho.

After we made the turn north, Charles decided to tell me that he was trying out a Fat Burning ride and didn't bring any food with him. I had only brought four of those horrible Wiggle Chocolate bars. I started to fear for him bonking in the middle of Sheep Country. Midway up the climb, it started to Hail Stone hard. Our cheeks were getting pelted, a little blood. We spotted a little bridge wall, maybe four feet high. We hid behind it to weather the storm. We shared a Wiggle Chocolate Bar.

After the Hail Shower, we shivered onwards. We were wearing Aldi Legwarmers. My toes were numb, as I was only wearing Penny's(Primark) Socks. Charles was sporting Ankle Socks and his ankles were exposed. He won the award for Sexiest Blue Ankles in the Sheep Magazine :D

For some reason, the Fred-itis kicking in probably, we didn't stop for coffee in Oughterard. Charles bonked half way between Oughterard and Moycullen. Luckily it was mostly an slight down hill with a slight tailwind. Galway City must've been hard for Charles, as he had bonked and it's a stressful city to navigate on a bike. When he took off his shoes his toes were blue. We're still alive to this day, and have all our original toes. No Lab grown toes for us.

I have two more war stories, about the Orwell Randonnée, both involving Yellow Jackets and Charles.

Links

• Strava: Strava 15 Minute Training Plan 4.6: Endurance Miles: Training with Charlie Blue Toes.
• Original Story from a Competition on Ollie Weekly #22 Tommy Simpson Ride.

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And I Would've Gotten Away With It, If It Weren't For Those Pesky 0.05 W/KG

To the Zwift Riders Facebook Group, there is nothing worse than cheating in a Zwift Race. Luke GJ Potter has irked their ire. With his reputation in tatters, he has released this statement.

Potter Disqualified After ZADA Violation

Firstly, I would like to apologise to my dogs. They are good dogs and don't deserve the Media trespassing on my property trying to take creep shots. I would also hope that my family, friends and club mates can forgive me and that once my fifteen minutes of unwanted fame have passed.

My violation of ZADA (Zwift Anti-Doping Authority) was flagged on ZwiftPower.com. It was in relation to me exceeding the upper limit of performance for a D-Category rider for the KISS Europe Race on Thursday 08/03/2018 at 20:06.

I have not taken Performance Enhancing Drugs. I am in the process of returning from an almost inexplicable accumulation of Body Fat. This was brought on by being severely deficient in Vitamin-D. After taking a Vit-D mega-booster, I cleaned up my diet. Drinking Huel for Breakfast and Porridge with Berries and Almond Milk for Dinner.

I have started a Strength and Conditioning Plan with Dave Potter Fitness, my brother who is a Personal Trainer. We are working on functional strength. We started with a Kettle Bell Instruction Session as I planned to implement these into my S&C. Dave also ensured that my form was correct on the other exercises he suggested for my planning. He had a great tip to correct my squatting problem of falling backwards.

This lead to my weight dropping, as my body is dropping body fat with almost Triamcinolone-like effects.

With my honest weight reporting based on my Nokia Health Scale, I am fully committed to ZADA and it's great work.

I fully deny that I have any TUEs, or that I am on anything other than my bike, busting my ass.

Author's Note: In case you weren't aware, all the stuff above and below this note is jokes.

Entering the London Underground in First Place.

The Race

It was my first proper race, I was nervous. I had done a Time Trial a fortnight previous, where I scored a second place in D-Category, losing by three seconds after a mid-race name change.

I had some pre-race banter with another new rider, Bath Salts. The start of the race was tough, and eight riders were gaped immediately. They were unaware that Zwift Races start with a sprint. CycloCross-Style!

With ten riders remaining in the front group after two-minutes, we fanned out. Two riders attacked. I bridged over, and sat on. Some more riders bridged over. Two riders didn't make it. Now there was eight.

The group split up on the short six percent hill before the roundabout. I regained the ceeded ground on the descent by punching it over the crest of the hill. Grupo Compacto! The two riders attacked again before the Red road section of the London Course. The peloton allowed them ten seconds and held them there.

I moved my setup outside, as Storm Emma's Snow was gone, and I would need more cooling than a data centre.

Some spat C-Category riders were coming back and were doing a little pulling in our group. We reeled back the duo. I tried to attack over the top, but I didn't get anywhere. The effort got me to third wheel. I started to slip in the group. Sitting in the group would allow me to keep my average wattage below the 2.5 Watts per Kilo limit for D-Category.

The next effort I needed to make was over the bridge, where it is five percent for a few seconds. I entered the London Underground section in first place. Next up, would be the climb up Box Hill.

I was in the lead group for the first minute of Box Hill. It is three kilometers at four percent. It is flat at the top, so the section with the hairpins is five to seven percent. I let the group go and decided to ride at my own pace. I used a steady 2.7 W/KG to get to the top. As the riders getting shelled for D and C groups were coming backwards, I was giving little burst efforts to ensure they would not impede my virtual character's progress.

After an 11:04 time, my third fastest, I railed the flat part and punched it over the steep ramp before the Fox Hill Descent. I had fifteen seconds on the Irish rider who was tailing me, Stevie Mcguire.

On the flat roads, I let Stevie catch up. We worked together taking turns riding at 2.7 W/KG on the flat. So the rider in the draft was riding at 2.0 W/KG. We caught up to a Geman rider who joined on. Our new addition was just sitting on. There was a German duo thirty seconds behind. We were holding the gap to the riders behind. The German would not work, he was too busy admiring my Thicc Virtual Ass.

The leaders of D-Grade were so far ahead, that we were battling for fourth. Before the next time over the five percent bridge, Stevie privately messaged me. "This lad is waiting for his mates, we have to go". The two paddies were eating some Smart Spuds. We eased up, forcing Ze German to ze western front. We would've disappeared off this screen. Then we attacked. We put four seconds into him and held it all the way to the foot of the final ascent of Box Hill.

Das German put Das Boot down and rode Box Hill at 3.0W/KG. I was riding Box Hill at 2.7W/Kg, with D-Category's 2.5 limit in mind. I was hoping that coasting on the descent would even out my average.

I dropped Stevie after a few minutes. My second ascent of Box Hill was completed in 11:00. I caught the German guy on the hard ramp after the Box Hill KOM and we rode the descent like Hansel and Grettle in their prime. My heart and head knew that it was business time. I was so nervous now. Had I eaten my mom's spaghetti, it would've been on my sweater already.

2.3km left. I took to the front to set the pace. I gave it a nudge over the little ramp in the subway station, then he caught up on the steep ramp. I hit it hard as I shifted into the little cogs, this was to make up for the trainer lag, so I wouldn't lose power output.

I have a forty tooth chain ring on my bike. I was not going to out sprint anyone. I had only once choice and it was in the workout appendix of Allen and Cogan's Training and Racing with a Power Meter; Race Winning Intervals. Continuous mini-surges with a return to threshold to zap the sprinter's legs. Being on the receiving end of this strategy is not nice.

Analysis of the final.

1km to go, Tower Bridge. I wasn't going to leave it to a sprint. I gave it a hard 10 second effort, he lost a second. I gave it another hard 15 second nudge at 750m to go, he was 4 seconds down.

500m, Voodoo Luke took his soul. A hard effort and he gave up, I just kept him at 14 seconds until I got over the line for 4th on the road. I knew I had won the moral victory.

I was hoping that my average power to weight ratio would not be above 2.5 W/Kg. This is not presented on the race complete screen. All that said was "4th, 1:17:50, 183W". I didn't want to divide my 183 Watts by my obese 71 KG. Thereby, demoralising my moral victory.

Once my legs stopped wobbling and the adrenaline wore off, I realised that I was shirtless outside. I toweled myself off. Put on a hoodie and brought my equipment inside. My bib shorts were soaked from all the sweat. They were more salty than an Internet hater.

After a shower, I pulled up ZwiftPower's Results and my heart sank. I was DQ'ed. Stevie got the win, I was happy for him and his honest victory. I messaged him on Strava complimenting our riding, telling him that I rolled up that German into a Schnitzel.

The winner finished seven minutes ahead, pas normal et pas moral behaviour. I can't wait to jump back into racing and cheat even better.


Zwift Power Result: KISS Europe Race (25.2 mi / 40.6 km) I'm in the Unfiltered Results.
Strava Activity: KISS EUROPE RACE - D.

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Huel Flavour Boosts Review

I recently ordered Huel's Offerings, the Granola and Bars, in my first order. Weeks later I ordered the Powder (Gluten Free, so my mom could try some). I got two of the 10 Pack Flavour Boost Taster Packs. Some flavours I liked, some I didn't, lets break it down.

I didn't enjoy the texture of the bars. I loved the Granola in my Porridge. I'm currently loving the Powder.

A Post-Taste Packs World

After you finish the ten Taster Packs, you are left with the choice:

• To continue with the raw Huel taste. The taste is not bad, it just takes a few days to adjust to it.
• Or order the 150g Flavour Boost Packs.

Firstly, the process to use the Flavour Boost Packs sounds annoying, as you now need to involve a spoon into the drink making process. The Taster Packs are sachets. The 150g packets, reduce the waste and packaging. Which is one of Huel's ideologies, in essence to reduce their carbon footprint. Even the delivery boxes are marked as carbon neutral.

What'll suck balls for me will be the Shipping Prices of these packs to get them to the Irish Republic. Huel offer free UK Mainland Delivery, and even sweet, sweet, beautiful Parcel Motel can't help out this ginger.

This isn't a paid post (as you'll see), but if you want to use my referral link for your next order, it'll get us both €10 Off Huel with Luke GJ Potter Huel.MentionMe.com. It'll help my shipping costs.

My Box, two of the 10 pack tasters and some extra Pooper Scoopers.

The Flavours Boost Packs

The flavours on offer are; Cacao, Caramel, Chocolate, Toffee, Pineapple & Coconut, Banana, Mocha, Strawberry, Rhubarb & Custard and Matcha Tea.

I'll rank them as I like them, the order that I would prefer to purchase a standalone Flavour Boost Pack. Most of the packs are £7.50, except the Matcha Tea which is £11.50, there is also a £4 Mince Pie flavour, that I didn't try, I'm not a Mince Pie eater. A Mince Pie stole my girlfriend when I was 15, we've been mortal enemies ever since.

1. Toffee

Hot dam, this baby was the second flavour boost that I tried. It was the business. The bee's knees. It was a nice smooth toffee, the likes you'd get in a Diam bar ...pack from IKEA.

It was a Friday morning, I'm not the type of delinquent who puts up FriYAY posts on Social Media, but this little number put a pep in my step. I was a little less snarky to my co-workers for five or ten minutes. I corrected this, by being extra sarcastic for the rest of the day.

2. Mocha

It was a Saturday morning, I had made my fortnightly pilgrimage across the country, from Dublin to Galway, the evening before to seen my dogs ...and also the family.

I've never had a Mocha coffee in my life. I'm a tough man from the West of Ireland. People like me don't need chocolate sauce in our coffees... because we only got coffee shops five years ago, and no one went into them.

This Mocha flavour was smooth, super smooth. It was everything I dreamed it would be. If I was a cockney from London, I'd have uttered a swift "Naughty" after every mouthful of this flavour.

Huel have a recipe recommendation to drop an espresso shot into the drink with some Ice. If this Mocha flavour was any indication to go by, I'll try that recipe sometime.

3. Cacao

"Ugh, ugh, piss, fucking Chocolate, get it a way from me" were my mother's words before going to mass on Sunday. She could try Huel as it has a Gluten free option, which I availed of. She uttered these anti-Chocolate words, where she was inseparable from a Dairy Milk bar fifteen years prior.

This Cacao flavouring was really nice, it was like a low percent Dark Chocolate.

I'd give this flavour another go in future.

4. Chocolate

Chocolate was nice. It was very, very similar to the Cacao flavour. As Cacao is higher on this list, I'd rather buy that flavour boost pack over Chocolate.

It was a Monday when I tried this flavour. I'm not one of those retards who put up FriYAY and anti-Monday Social Media Posts. I get on with it, so a hit of Chocolate on a Monday morning, had no more or less significance on my life than the tin of Fanta that my co-worker cracked open at 10:01am. I just realised that that sentence didn't make any sence, but it's been typed and it can stay there now.

5. Strawberry

Strawberry is a solid offering, everyone has a strawberry flavouring. It was the nicest smelling offering. I passed the sachet around the office for people to smell. One team member was a little interested in Huel for it's vitamin contents.

Not too many were interested in the environmental ideals of Huel. Then again they think that plastics go in the compost bin. Most of my co-workers put FriYAY stickers on their Insta Stories, yet don't make use of the weekend to go on new adventures.

6. Pineapple & Coconut

This was a very sweet flavour. Pineapple has gotten a bad rep in recent weeks. The meme about Pineapple not being a pizza topping divided the world into two camps, Normal people and Hawaiian Savages.

I've never had time, personally, for Coconuts or their bullshit. One nibble of a Bounty bar and you can consider your day ruined.

I'd probably not buy this flavour, as there's nicer ones available.

7. Caramel

This was the first flavour that I tried. I didn't like it. It was a smokey Caramel. It was not like the caramel you'd find in a Cadbury's bar, or a Millionaire's Shortcake (vegans are going to disavow me now that I have admitted to eating these products).

It was bitter, like a bottle of Caramel sauce from Starbucks.

I think that me not liking it was in part down to the fact that it was my first Huel drink. I think that all the new mouth stimuli clouded my judgement. I got two flavour boost packs, to ensure that I could try flavours more than once. I'll try the Caramel again. I'm hoping for better.

8. Rhubarb & Custard

I left this one until last in my flavour pack. I've never like Rhubarb. I sniffed it and was brought back to my mother's kitchen when she was making Trifle. Piss off Rhubarb, you are not a desert, you are a punishment.

Custard is alright, I suppose. But it hangs around in some questionable company.

This flavour wasn't too strong, but it was not as nice as the other's above it.

9. Banana

Anything banana flavoured is minging. Full. Stop. This was no exception. I would tell Banana flavour to "fuck off back to where it came from", but it would probably respond "Do you know da wey?"

10. Matcha

When making this list, I put my number one choice at the top of the list, then I started from the bottom, number 10 was easy, Matcha.

Who likes this garbage? I've not done any research on Matcha Tea, but fuck me that shit was vile. It's the most expensive one, as it contains real Matcha Tea. I'd unMatcha with this flavour on Tinder.

I hope y'all got some value, or entertainment from this post, if you're making another Huel order, please consider using my referral link to get us both £10 (it's the Queen's Money :D but still), it'll cover my shipping costs for my next Huel order.

€10 Off Huel with Luke GJ Potter Huel.MentionMe.com.

I saved the Rhubarb and Custard until last, as it brought back Childhood Trauma.

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